Middle of the night

This time of night is always hard for me. In my family we always referred to as "O dark-thirty". Many times I have gotten up this early to start some journey. I mostly see this time of night for another reason now.

I have to a great deal learned to ignore, get past, or sublimate my pain during the day. I take time in the morning, part of my lunch hour, and evening to meditate. When my soul is centered my life is better. It's these times in the night when it sneaks up on me it is harder to deal with. I frequently wake myself up when I roll over in bed. Seems kind of unfair for my own body to attack me in my sleep.

Still, I have tried to see this as an opportunity. If I am unable to find relief like tonight, I use that time praying for family and friends. God has taught me so much in these middle of the night sessions. I am thankful for the lessons learned. I know I should give thanks in all things but will confess, this is one of the hardest things for me to do at a time like this. I have to ask Him to help me be thankful because I'm not up to the task right now. While I have been so blessed time and time again in night-time prayer, I still struggle with being thankful for the reason. I hope to do better and know that God loves me now just as I am.

I was listening to part of an audio book by A.W. Tozer Sunday afternoon was intrigued by something I heard. He likened our relationship to God to the way we view the moon. The moon always presents the same side to the earth. He said when we look at God we always see the face of Jesus, and when God looks at us, He always sees the face of Jesus. Jesus is who gives us access to God, so He is what we both see. It gives me hope to know that God sees me with all my imperfections through the face of Christ. His perfection is over me and I can reach out to my Creator because of it.

I think I'll cease the middle of the night ramblings now and see what else God has in store for today.

-jené