24 January 2008

all blogged out

I have found myself uninspired to post. It is true the past months have been difficult but that alone hasn't stopped me. I have kept in touch with those close to my heart by phone, email, walks in the park and lots of hugs and prayers . I guess I have been overwhelmed by the feelings of futility found when I read other blogposts. I mostly read blogs of faith, with a smattering of the arts, politics and science.

I enjoy reading some of my friends blogs because they are willing to share of themselves. They give me their insight, encouragement, and life lessons learned freely. They are people who make their faith central to their life. Because I see the way they share their love for the Lord with those around them, I know they are not just "cyberspace" Christians. You know what I mean, posting long entries about God's grace but no evidence of the same in the way they live. They only have "Christian " friends and never place themselves outside their comfort zone.

They use the safety of solitude to project a version of themselves they want the world to see. They go on and on about what God is teaching them. Yet when you look at their lives you would be hard pressed to find them living those lessons. I find my self saddened and falling into despair. How can someone who knows of my amazing God keep that knowledge out of their hearts?

My philosophy teacher and I used to go round and round on this issue. He used to assert that knowledge leads to enlightenment. I believe unless that knowledge is lodged in your heart and effects change in how you live, it is just useless noise. At this point in my life where every action requires much effort, I just don't have time for the noise. I have finally realized that even when those I care for cannot make the heart connection, there is nothing I can do. They have to be open to God working in their lives.

What I can do is pray that God will change their hearts. That I will continue to do.

So I need to decide if this effort is worthwhile. If so many can blog so eloquently and accomplish nothing, why bother?

On the flip side I get so much from quite a few blogs. I have some great friends who are very generous in sharing what Christ is doing in their lives. I would miss that. I love being able to read entries from my nieces and nephews and find out what is current in their lives.

So what nugget of truth can I share with you from what God has been teaching me. I need to be open to sharing with all in my life, that part is easy. The next is hard, there will always be people in our lives that we care for who do not want to share. Whatever their reasons they want to hold us at arm's length, seeming to be close but stopping short of a meaningful relationship. Until God changes their hearts and they welcome us in, we can do nothing.

This has been a real struggle for me. It has taken me many years to realize this. I am thankful God is patient with me. He knows just how hard this has been for me to accept.

I still haven't decided about the whole " to blog or not to blog" issue. I only have so much I can do and it seems more important to me to place my energies in to face to face relationships. I have been working at a balancing of my life in all areas. I believe this issue will balance itself out as well.