30 June 2009

never gone

Thinking of a long ago choir buddy's favorite song tonight and knowing the singing in heaven is all the sweeter.

glad for good memories and hope of reunion,


21 June 2009

My Daddy

The first man who loved me,
The first man I loved.

The man who taught me to pray,
The man I am sure prays for me often.

The man who showed me how a father loves,
The man who showed me how my heavenly Father loves.

The man I want to be proud of me,
The man I am proud to know.

The man who taught me much,
The man who allows me to teach him too.

The man I thank God for everyday,
My Daddy!

Paternally blessed,


16 June 2009

Laughter may be the best medicine, but a chuckle has healing power too!

After a night with limited sleep but seemingly unlimited pain, I left the house this morning for work. When I went to step off the curb to get into my car, my knee gave out and down I went. I landed right on top of my lunch. After making a quick inventory and realizing nothing was broken, I turned to pick up my lunch and had my first chuckle of the day. I had packed a Healthy Choice Entree, other than being fairly flattened it seemed to be o.k. I dusted off and headed in to work.

At the end of the day I was very ready to head home. A dear friend came running in because she thought she was late. After taking a moment to catch her breath she looked over the schedule and realized she was not on it. I was looking at the master schedule to make note of my workdays for the next two weeks. She asked me to check if she was supposed to be in today. We both chuckled when we realized she wasn't late, she was three days early! I told her I knew it was going to be a special day after I had fallen this morning and shared with her the tale of my flattened chicken. I looked over at her and we each had a case of the giggles. This makes great sense when you know that we had both started our day comparing notes on insomnia via facebook at 4 o'clock this morning.

God has blessed me greatly with wonderful friends. If you knew Amy you would know that God must love me very much to have placed her in my life. She is quite possibly the most genuine person I know. Add in a wicked sense of humor, a razor sharp mind and ginormous generous heart and you've got her picture. A moment of hilarity with her was the best way to balance out the day's difficulties. Thanks Amy, you brought a cure that was spot on!

Cherishing the treasure of good friends,


14 June 2009


Last night as I was sitting on the couch with little girls cuddled all around me I wondered if someday they would recall the evening the way I sometimes drift back to moments of my childhood. After tucking the girls in last night I was reminded of my two favorite memories of my Grandma.

There is nothing outstanding about them, just gentle moments around the house. One memory I hold dear was shelling peas. She would sit with a pan in her lap and I would stand close by. She'd grab a hand full and give me one. I watched intently as if by magic the peas came smoothly out of the pod and fell into the pan. Try as I might I could never get it to go as well. I would snap the pod in pieces, or be unable to pull the string to get it to open. On the few occasions when things did go according to plan the peas would come flying out of the pod. Most missed the pan entirely and landed all around us on the floor. Each time she would just hand me another and let me try again. Never once did I hear a word of rebuke or complaint. I told her I didn't think I would ever be able to do it as well as she could. I remember her smiling at me and saying "Whether you learn how to do this or not, I will always love you." In the years after when I was struggling so with schoolwork, I would often comfort myself by remembering that my Grandma would love me no matter what.

My second treasure I keep of her happened when my grandparents had come to Washington, D.C. to visit us. I cannot remember where we were heading off to but she was helping me to get ready. At the time I had short hair, even so it would often tangle and would require major attention. I remember being frustrated trying to brush my hair. She took the brush from my hand and began to sort out the mess I had made. She worked quietly and quickly. From behind me I heard her say "Just think, God loves you enough to have counted every hair on your head." I was still feeling rather mulish and muttered that nobody else would go to that trouble. For a moment I was sure she hadn't heard me, then ever so softly I felt her part my hair and begin to count "1...2...3...4...5..." I was so overwhelmed! I spun around and hugged her for all I was worth.

As a child, I was certain of my parent's love. To know of her unconditional love was a real gift. Illness took her out of my life long before she made her journey to heaven. I believe had our time together been greater I would have many more memories like these. You see, in all I have ever learned about my grandma, I have heard how much she loved her family and how much she loved her Lord.

I cherish these memories of her and seek to show all the children in my life as much love as she showed me.

Recalling the blessing,


11 June 2009


another day
begun too early
little respite
and yet i find
my soul is comforted
my heart is blessed
my mind is made sure
God loves me beyond measure
His grace my gift
His Spirit sustaining
my weakened life made strong
my imperfection made perfect
His mercy covering me
anytime i fail to see
that every word here
is true.



05 June 2009

What do I see when I look in the mirror?

So much of my physical appearance has changed in the last few years. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I am surprised by what I find. Yes, I am lighter than I was, that's good. My hair is currently more than half gray . It's graying so evenly that one of my little friends once asked me who highlights my hair! I told her God was doing a fabulous job with that. The changes RA has brought to my joints is a completely different story. I can see what were once lovely hands becoming gnarled and clumsy. I have always had a great pair of gams, but now they are hardly worth noting because of the disfiguring of my knees and ankles.

Growing up I always knew there were many differences between me and my schoolmates. I had to have special help to learn to write. To this day I cannot write in cursive. Knowing I saw the world the way no one else did could have been disastrous save for my mother's words of encouragement. She told me more than once God had wonderful plans for me which needed all my differences.

I think she had more of an impact than even she might have thought.

I can do nothing about the changes now occurring so why should I worry? Gnarled knees and funky cane shouldn't define how others see me, if it does, I can't let it bother me. I want people to think of me based on what they find in my heart. I want them to know how much I love my Jesus. I want others to see how much my heart yearns for everyone to love Him too. I want the world to feel my desire to take care of God's creation. From the people on the planet, to the planet itself, I want to do everything I can to make it better. These are the things I want to see when I look in the mirror.

All this self reflection was brought on by something I read a couple of weeks ago on a blog I love. A beautiful, kind woman had spent weeks finding just the right thing to wear to a wedding. At the eleventh hour a problem arose. I was engrossed in her story waiting to see how she was going to bring about a happy ending. Imagine the gut wrenching disappointment when I realized she had let this snafu defeat her. How could this lovely women not see her beauty transcends anything else she could have chosen to wear? She stayed home and sent her sweetheart off without her. I just wept. She, who knows so very well she is made in God's wonderful image, allowed the vanity of looking good to keep her from facing the world. I want to take her in my arms and remind her she is gorgeous on the inside. That shines through the worst of outfits!

Remembering it is what the heart sees that matters,