I have been feeling useless of late. In the past I have used my days off to help out in places around Houston where my heart is engaged. This last month, I have not had a day off where I was able to do anything but get dressed. Most days I haven't even achieved that. Two weeks ago I was praying about my lack of ability to serve as I had been used to. Well, to be truthful, it was more of a whining complaining about it than anything else. Fortunately God is able to hear my heart which was hiding in the whining. He took my whiny spirit and found me an outlet to help me feel useful again.
I got an email from a friend looking for help one evening right after my shift at work. Knowing I would already be tired, I figured it wouldn't hurt to be a little more so. I went to help and was so blessed by the feeling I could make even some small difference in the life of women who feel abandoned. The next day brought a text message from someone else needing help setting up for a charity event that Friday night. I went straight from work to the ballroom. Again just about an hour of work on my part and I was able to support a cause laid on my heart. More and more opportunities of this nature have continued to present themselves. An hour here, a half hour there. A chance to take a few minutes to make a presentation for a cause to those who can help.
I had in no way dreamed this was how God would answer my whiny pleas. At the back of my mind I kept envisioning finding renewed energy on my days off to be able to resume my previous schedule. I just knew God would give me the strength to do what I wanted. Instead He gave me the gift of serving in new and different ways. He let me know that however my life works out, I can share His love with those around me. I am finding myself doubly blessed. By taking shorter tasks, I am able to have more diversity in where I invest myself. And the days spent in my jammies have not gone wasted. Those days I spend in quiet moments with Him, letting Him fill me with His peace and love. Even if things don't work out the way I intended, I have learned what every two year old on the planet has always known, whining works!
Thankful for a God with good parenting skills,
jené
25 October 2009
03 October 2009
Thy will be done
I heard this phrase today in what may well be it's most genuine utterance ever. They were spoken by a man whose heart is firmly in God's hands. They were used to convey his willingness for God to work His will on the one this man cherishes the most.
Let me explain.
A couple of days ago my dear brother-in-love suffered a major medical incident. One which has left him in the hospital with resolution yet to come. He is taking all this with amazingly good spirits.
His father has had a medical battle of his own for the past few years. Extended treatment including all manner of chemotherapy and radiation have been part of his life. After hearing the news of his son, and thinking the matter over, he decided he needed to come see him in person. He lives a few hours to the north. A trip of that nature is hard for any older person, let alone one with compromised health. Still, I can understand his desire to lay eyes on his son. Any parent wants to be close to their child at a time like that. Neither the age of the parent or the child negates that.
He made it to the hospital this morning and stayed to visit for several hours. When it was time for him to leave he asked all of us present to join him in a prayer. He led us through the Lord's prayer and then added his own prayers. He thanked the Lord for all that had been done for his son, for all those who had come to be with him and help his family. He thanked God for the way God had taken care of his son and then spoke the words which went straight to my heart. "I know my will for my son, but I ask for Your will for him." That a father who was at his son's bedside in the hospital could voice those words, and mean them, humbled me.
I, who often struggle and chaff at submitting, was overwhelmed. The sincerity of this man giving back to God the most precious thing he has been gifted for God's glory made my reluctance seem petty and small. I admit that there have been times in the last few years when I have wondered just what I am to learn from what my life has become. I am grateful for what I have been taught. I know beyond a doubt of God's love for me. I know that prayer is a an intimate encounter between loved ones. I know that God has plans for me even when I cannot fathom them. What I was made to see today was how a pure heart seeks not for itself, but for what God desires. I want to be willing to offer myself for whatever God desires, with no thought of it's impact upon me. Whatever He wishes for whatever He wants.
I am thankful for the chance to know such a man after God's own heart.
Working on being willing,
jené
Let me explain.
A couple of days ago my dear brother-in-love suffered a major medical incident. One which has left him in the hospital with resolution yet to come. He is taking all this with amazingly good spirits.
His father has had a medical battle of his own for the past few years. Extended treatment including all manner of chemotherapy and radiation have been part of his life. After hearing the news of his son, and thinking the matter over, he decided he needed to come see him in person. He lives a few hours to the north. A trip of that nature is hard for any older person, let alone one with compromised health. Still, I can understand his desire to lay eyes on his son. Any parent wants to be close to their child at a time like that. Neither the age of the parent or the child negates that.
He made it to the hospital this morning and stayed to visit for several hours. When it was time for him to leave he asked all of us present to join him in a prayer. He led us through the Lord's prayer and then added his own prayers. He thanked the Lord for all that had been done for his son, for all those who had come to be with him and help his family. He thanked God for the way God had taken care of his son and then spoke the words which went straight to my heart. "I know my will for my son, but I ask for Your will for him." That a father who was at his son's bedside in the hospital could voice those words, and mean them, humbled me.
I, who often struggle and chaff at submitting, was overwhelmed. The sincerity of this man giving back to God the most precious thing he has been gifted for God's glory made my reluctance seem petty and small. I admit that there have been times in the last few years when I have wondered just what I am to learn from what my life has become. I am grateful for what I have been taught. I know beyond a doubt of God's love for me. I know that prayer is a an intimate encounter between loved ones. I know that God has plans for me even when I cannot fathom them. What I was made to see today was how a pure heart seeks not for itself, but for what God desires. I want to be willing to offer myself for whatever God desires, with no thought of it's impact upon me. Whatever He wishes for whatever He wants.
I am thankful for the chance to know such a man after God's own heart.
Working on being willing,
jené
21 September 2009
Truth Survey
My friend Lee has once again brought me into a facebook experiment. This one involves a survey requiring truthful answers. So here we go!
1.What was the last thing you ate?
Salad and Pizza
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
Scotland
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Never tried, have had to give up my real guitar. My niece Laura has it now and is much better with it than I ever was.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
Stacy
5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
It's not staying up if you can't sleep, so 5:00 am and I am not saying because it sounds like complaining!
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
If you mean the English countryside, you bet
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
yes
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
The sweetest little girls in town!
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Certainly
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Diet Dr. Pepper when I do have it.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Last Friday
12. Who took your profile picture?
My friend Vickie
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Everyone at The Container Store fiesta last night.
14. Was yesterday better than today?
no
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Often
16. Are you upset about anything?
Frustrated but not upset.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Totally! Is there anything else?
18. Are you a bad influence?
well.......not necessarily bad.
19. Night out or night in?
depends on who I am spending the night with.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Music and meds
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My neighbor Paul.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Good." from my mom
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Blessed in so many different ways
24. Do you hate anyone?
No, pointless and not worth my time.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
family, friends and a monk who has become a great pen pal!
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yes. Although after the last week, a little narcotic help would be welcome! ;-)
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
No, my friends are honest and my family can keep silent.
28. What song is stuck in your head?
"Heart and Soul". You spend an evening with three young girls learning to play the piano and see what gets stuck in your head.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol
30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 5O?
Hmmm. 48 now with no children, don't see it happening unless someone fixes me up with their Grandpa.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Getting up and making it into work sounds good.
32. Do you think too much or too little?
Letting go of thinking to much, leaving that to my Heavenly Father. He's much better at it than I am.
33. Do you smile a lot?
yes, if it starts on my face it will make it to my soul.
So this will make it's way over to facebook where I will tag Lee back and you can feel free to participate or not.
Glad to have friends who include me,
jené
1.What was the last thing you ate?
Salad and Pizza
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
Scotland
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Never tried, have had to give up my real guitar. My niece Laura has it now and is much better with it than I ever was.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
Stacy
5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
It's not staying up if you can't sleep, so 5:00 am and I am not saying because it sounds like complaining!
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
If you mean the English countryside, you bet
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
yes
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
The sweetest little girls in town!
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Certainly
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Diet Dr. Pepper when I do have it.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Last Friday
12. Who took your profile picture?
My friend Vickie
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Everyone at The Container Store fiesta last night.
14. Was yesterday better than today?
no
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Often
16. Are you upset about anything?
Frustrated but not upset.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Totally! Is there anything else?
18. Are you a bad influence?
well.......not necessarily bad.
19. Night out or night in?
depends on who I am spending the night with.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Music and meds
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My neighbor Paul.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Good." from my mom
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Blessed in so many different ways
24. Do you hate anyone?
No, pointless and not worth my time.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
family, friends and a monk who has become a great pen pal!
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yes. Although after the last week, a little narcotic help would be welcome! ;-)
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
No, my friends are honest and my family can keep silent.
28. What song is stuck in your head?
"Heart and Soul". You spend an evening with three young girls learning to play the piano and see what gets stuck in your head.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol
30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 5O?
Hmmm. 48 now with no children, don't see it happening unless someone fixes me up with their Grandpa.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Getting up and making it into work sounds good.
32. Do you think too much or too little?
Letting go of thinking to much, leaving that to my Heavenly Father. He's much better at it than I am.
33. Do you smile a lot?
yes, if it starts on my face it will make it to my soul.
So this will make it's way over to facebook where I will tag Lee back and you can feel free to participate or not.
Glad to have friends who include me,
jené
13 September 2009
Recurring thoughts
A couple of weeks ago we sang one of my favorite hymns during the service, "Lead On, O King Eternal." Now even weeks later the lyrics are still running through my mind.
For not with swords’ loud clashing,
Nor roll of stirring drums;
With deeds of love and mercy
The heavenly kingdom comes.
This line from the second verse keeps finding it's way into my daily life. God continues to place in my path many opportunities to put it into practice. From helping a new mom find her feet, to guiding a friend with downsizing and offering assistance in a new business venture. I can feel I am doing my part in furthering my Lord's work for I believe every deed of love and mercy does so.
In totally different circumstances I may have found another use for these encouraging words. A brief foray into the political realm last week gives me cause to think the phrase might be useful as a mantra for the coming election season. Gubernatorial races are fierce in Texas. Frankly it has been so many years since my choice has been elected that I cannot find myself too worked up. When the talk turns mean spirited around me I think I will take a moment to remember the words Ernest W. Shurtleff wrote so many years ago. I will ignore the the loud clashing and focus on love and mercy.
Finding a home in love and mercy,
jené
P.S. In talking about this hymn with a friend, I learned that until he could read he sang this song as "Lead On O Kinky Turtle." I will be hard pressed not to laugh the next time it pops up in a service!
For not with swords’ loud clashing,
Nor roll of stirring drums;
With deeds of love and mercy
The heavenly kingdom comes.
This line from the second verse keeps finding it's way into my daily life. God continues to place in my path many opportunities to put it into practice. From helping a new mom find her feet, to guiding a friend with downsizing and offering assistance in a new business venture. I can feel I am doing my part in furthering my Lord's work for I believe every deed of love and mercy does so.
In totally different circumstances I may have found another use for these encouraging words. A brief foray into the political realm last week gives me cause to think the phrase might be useful as a mantra for the coming election season. Gubernatorial races are fierce in Texas. Frankly it has been so many years since my choice has been elected that I cannot find myself too worked up. When the talk turns mean spirited around me I think I will take a moment to remember the words Ernest W. Shurtleff wrote so many years ago. I will ignore the the loud clashing and focus on love and mercy.
Finding a home in love and mercy,
jené
P.S. In talking about this hymn with a friend, I learned that until he could read he sang this song as "Lead On O Kinky Turtle." I will be hard pressed not to laugh the next time it pops up in a service!
06 September 2009
Tough times
There have been many times in my life when things have been difficult to the point of overwhelming. If you were just looking at the facts of my life right now, you would think this another such period. Objectively, I can see all the things which would make this be the worst time of my life. But subjectively, it doesn't feel that way.
I have been this poor before. I have had times of increasing pain and limitations before. I have had periods where everything fell apart around me before. Yet this time, when all three are in place, I don't feel the despair I have felt in the past. This morning in a moment of enforced stillness I asked myself ; Why?
What is different now that I haven't had before. In looking back at the different times in my life when the "going got tough" I realized I often adhered to the motto that the "tough get going." That's just not possible now. Not having the ability to bail myself out of difficulty has forced me to rely upon God's grace completely.
There is nothing I have done to make this one of the best times of my life. Pain is still present. My movements are limited. I have to look for discounted items at the grocery store. I don't turn the key in the ignition except for necessary trips. And in the midst of all of the myriad of emotions each day brings there is no despair. For me, that is the best news ever. Now I find myself thanking my heavenly Father for the love and comfort He is gifting me. I am glad He is kind enough to listen when I yell at Him. I am grateful He helps me to redirect my focus to what I can do instead of what I can't do. I hope to someday be thankful for all the tough times, for now I am thankful for what they have brought to me.
Glad to have finally learned that grace makes a great comfort zone!
jené
I have been this poor before. I have had times of increasing pain and limitations before. I have had periods where everything fell apart around me before. Yet this time, when all three are in place, I don't feel the despair I have felt in the past. This morning in a moment of enforced stillness I asked myself ; Why?
What is different now that I haven't had before. In looking back at the different times in my life when the "going got tough" I realized I often adhered to the motto that the "tough get going." That's just not possible now. Not having the ability to bail myself out of difficulty has forced me to rely upon God's grace completely.
There is nothing I have done to make this one of the best times of my life. Pain is still present. My movements are limited. I have to look for discounted items at the grocery store. I don't turn the key in the ignition except for necessary trips. And in the midst of all of the myriad of emotions each day brings there is no despair. For me, that is the best news ever. Now I find myself thanking my heavenly Father for the love and comfort He is gifting me. I am glad He is kind enough to listen when I yell at Him. I am grateful He helps me to redirect my focus to what I can do instead of what I can't do. I hope to someday be thankful for all the tough times, for now I am thankful for what they have brought to me.
Glad to have finally learned that grace makes a great comfort zone!
jené
27 August 2009
this beats the Brady Bunch hands down!
Ran across this on St. Aiden to Abbey Manor and was amazed at the planning that must have gone in to make this possible.
17 August 2009
A week of prayer
My favorite little girls are back from their vacations and I spent some time this evening catching up with them. As I listened to them sharing all the fun they had in California, my mind wandered for a moment to my prayer time this morning.
I am just one of thousands who are spending the week praying for the children who live in Houston. This mornings note had some disturbing statistics in it. "Did you know that 24% of Harris County children live in poverty and a total of 47% live in low income families? Texas is ranked 46th in percentage of children living in poverty, with only Alabama, Louisiana, New Mexico and Mississippi doing worse. Related to poverty, Texas has the highest percentage of uninsured children in the nation at 24.6%." from the Week of Prayer for Children Prayer Guide. I knew things were difficult here, but had no idea it was so dismal. I had to take quite a bit of time this morning settling my heart before I could even begin to pray. It is hard to imagine the city with the richest Zip Code in America has so many children in financial distress.
If you are also disturbed by this news I am asking you to join me in prayer for the children of our city. You can join with me and use the guide for the week found here: A Week of Prayer for Children. Please think about adding your voice to the voices already lifting in prayer. Then find some place where you feel led to serve the children of Houston. They need all the good hearts they can get to aid in their plight!
Thanks and keep praying,
jené
I am just one of thousands who are spending the week praying for the children who live in Houston. This mornings note had some disturbing statistics in it. "Did you know that 24% of Harris County children live in poverty and a total of 47% live in low income families? Texas is ranked 46th in percentage of children living in poverty, with only Alabama, Louisiana, New Mexico and Mississippi doing worse. Related to poverty, Texas has the highest percentage of uninsured children in the nation at 24.6%." from the Week of Prayer for Children Prayer Guide. I knew things were difficult here, but had no idea it was so dismal. I had to take quite a bit of time this morning settling my heart before I could even begin to pray. It is hard to imagine the city with the richest Zip Code in America has so many children in financial distress.
If you are also disturbed by this news I am asking you to join me in prayer for the children of our city. You can join with me and use the guide for the week found here: A Week of Prayer for Children. Please think about adding your voice to the voices already lifting in prayer. Then find some place where you feel led to serve the children of Houston. They need all the good hearts they can get to aid in their plight!
Thanks and keep praying,
jené
06 August 2009
15 books
A request issued by my friend Lee is the source for this list.
"O.K...... think about 15 books that influenced you--whenever!
It doesn't have to be the "Best" 15 books in history, just your personal 15 that moved you or changed your way of thinking or got you hooked on reading! Whatever you want to list.
Just don't take forever to think about it, the first 15 that come to mind!"
Here they are in no particular order of import.
Thanks Lee for bringing many happy memories to mind!
Still reading daily,
jené
"O.K...... think about 15 books that influenced you--whenever!
It doesn't have to be the "Best" 15 books in history, just your personal 15 that moved you or changed your way of thinking or got you hooked on reading! Whatever you want to list.
Just don't take forever to think about it, the first 15 that come to mind!"
Here they are in no particular order of import.
- Anne of Green Gables Series, L.M. Montgomery
- The Practice of the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence
- A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L'Engle
- The Wisdom of the Desert, Thomas Merton from the Desert Fathers
- The Bible, no specific version but have loved the "stop and think" the Message has brought.
- Return of the Prodigal Son, Henri Nouwen
- Everything written by Dame Agatha Christie
- When the Soul Listens, Jan Johnson
- The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis
- The Cherry Ames Nurse Series, Helen Wells
- George MacDonald, C.S. Lewis
- The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis
- The Five Little Peppers Series, Margaret Sidney (Harriett Mulford Stone)
- Uncommon Graces; Christlike Responses to a Hostile World, John Vawter
- Winnie the Pooh, A. A. Milne
Thanks Lee for bringing many happy memories to mind!
Still reading daily,
jené
27 July 2009
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
The past weekend completely exemplified this quote from Dickens. I headed home from work Saturday tired but looking forward to meeting friends. We were going to see Cirque de Soleil. I took a shower and was getting out when my ankle gave way and I headed speedily to the floor. Unfortunately on the way down I either grabbed or got tangled up in the shower curtain. Seconds after finding myself on the floor I realized the curtain rod must have come loose as it was now clonking me on the back of my head. I admit I did find the humor in the situation after I made sure nothing was going to require a visit to the ER. Finding myself the owner of a rapidly increasing headache I decided not to go out and spent the evening at home. I thought it might be a good idea to stay awake for a little while even though I was pretty sure I hadn't concussed myself. As I had been tired to begin with, that was no easy task. Later when I felt it would be safe to fall asleep I couldn't. The guy upstairs decided to have a party.
The next day I was supposed to meet friends to tour the Menil together. The Menil collection has long been a favorite of mine and I get there often. Thanks to the generosity of the Menil family the exhibit is free and it's a great place for an art lover of meager means to visit. When I woke Sunday morning I was sorer than I had been when I went to bed. I seriously considered withdrawing from the outing. After some stretching and praying, I decided not to forgo the gathering. Regardless of my great regard for the Menil, the best part of the day was going to be spending time with people I treasure. It was especially important as one of those coming is a sweet friend who is moving away soon. I would completely regret giving up any time I can spend with her before she leaves. I cannot recall any particular moment which made the day shine, but shine it did! I believe the day sparkled because all of us truly appreciate the others. I feel God has gifted me greatly in giving me these "jewels" as friends.
The perfect way to top off the day came after I returned home. Kim-Ling had brought me home and we had a wonderful time sharing many thoughts and ideas. While she was still here my brother-in-love Victor stopped by for a visit on his way home. Having him here, even for a little while, capped the day superbly. As a little girl I often wished for a brother. I am so grateful my sisters married such sweet guys for me to claim as brother.
So the weekend really did have the best and the worst in store for me and I am pleased to have had such a time.
Dickensianly,
jené
The next day I was supposed to meet friends to tour the Menil together. The Menil collection has long been a favorite of mine and I get there often. Thanks to the generosity of the Menil family the exhibit is free and it's a great place for an art lover of meager means to visit. When I woke Sunday morning I was sorer than I had been when I went to bed. I seriously considered withdrawing from the outing. After some stretching and praying, I decided not to forgo the gathering. Regardless of my great regard for the Menil, the best part of the day was going to be spending time with people I treasure. It was especially important as one of those coming is a sweet friend who is moving away soon. I would completely regret giving up any time I can spend with her before she leaves. I cannot recall any particular moment which made the day shine, but shine it did! I believe the day sparkled because all of us truly appreciate the others. I feel God has gifted me greatly in giving me these "jewels" as friends.
The perfect way to top off the day came after I returned home. Kim-Ling had brought me home and we had a wonderful time sharing many thoughts and ideas. While she was still here my brother-in-love Victor stopped by for a visit on his way home. Having him here, even for a little while, capped the day superbly. As a little girl I often wished for a brother. I am so grateful my sisters married such sweet guys for me to claim as brother.
So the weekend really did have the best and the worst in store for me and I am pleased to have had such a time.
Dickensianly,
jené
17 July 2009
Happy Birthday Isaac Watts
On this the birthday of the "Father of English Hymnody" I give you his own words from a hymn I love.
So very grateful that anywhere I can be God is present there,
jené
I sing the mighty power of God, that made the mountains rise,
That spread the flowing seas abroad, and built the lofty skies.
I sing the wisdom that ordained the sun to rule the day;
The moon shines full at God’s command, and all the stars obey.
I sing the goodness of the Lord, who filled the earth with food,
Who formed the creatures through the Word, and then pronounced them good.
Lord, how Thy wonders are displayed, where’er I turn my eye,
If I survey the ground I tread, or gaze upon the sky.
There’s not a plant or flower below, but makes Thy glories known,
And clouds arise, and tempests blow, by order from Thy throne;
While all that borrows life from Thee is ever in Thy care;
And everywhere that we can be, Thou, God art present there.
So very grateful that anywhere I can be God is present there,
jené
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