Soulful teeter-totter

At church we have been working on discovering who Jesus is and what he means to us. Last week Doug had us close our eyes and visualize how we would see Jesus. I was asked by a friend after the service what my representation had been. I told her I don't usually see Jesus as having any specific facial features. She looked perplexed so I went on to clarify how it was so. When I close my eyes and think of Christ, and I do so daily, I see the weave of hand-loomed cloth. I sense the rough texture and scent of the outdoors. You see, I always picture myself being held in a pair of arms offering comfort. I am leaning on the strength I know will hold me up.

Yesterday I had one of the saddest moments I have ever had in my life. I was designing solutions for a customer. She was what we refer to as an "intimate" customer. This type of person will share parts of her life that her friends may not even know. While I was trying to determine what kind of storage she needed she asked me what I knew about Judaism. I told her I have some Jewish blood in my background. She then proceeded to tell me how she was converting to Judaism and leaving the Methodist church behind. I asked her what prompted the change. She replied that it had been her experience that the Jewish people in her life seemed more at ease in their faith and comfortable sharing it with others. She said they seemed to have a real relationship with God. I asked her how she felt about leaving Jesus behind. She stated she had never seen much of Jesus in the people she went to church with and wasn't sure that anyone ever did more than just talk about Him.

My heart felt like it was breaking as I listened to her tell me her story. I struggled with the overwhelming desire to weep right there at the design station. I was glad I was able to help her with the problems that had brought her in. She stayed in my heart for the rest of the day. I frequently take part of my lunch break to meditate and center myself for the rest of the day. The plight of this woman kept coming to the front of my brain. I was then pondering how people who claim to love Jesus, can't show that same love to others in church with them. That led to thinking of how many of those people don't share Jesus with those not in church. Lots of people talk about the need to do so but never do anything about it.

This has been a point of contention between me and someone close to me. Can you really have a meaningful relationship with Christ and not share it? I don't think so. I think those who love the Lord can't help themselves. They are going to have it pouring out of their hearts. My mum is a great example of this. You can feel the love just rolling off her. Stand next to her for any length of time and you will feel it wash over you. I have a friend here who does the same. Either in person or over the phone he exudes the love he feels for his Lord. When he grabs you up in a hug you will feel great comfort and strength you know isn't coming from him alone.

Today I joined several friends of many varied backgrounds as we shared a meal together. There was joy and fellowship. People told of life experiences. Those that gave pause for thought and those that had us trying not to fall out of our chairs laughing. More than once I heard the phrase "I don't know how I could have made it without God's help". What makes it so fantastic is the fact that not everyone who was present knows Jesus. Today they got a good look at who he is.

In these two days, I have been at both the high end and low end of the teeter-totter.

Praying others see Jesus in me,

jene'

Time

I really believe God means for me to see four o'clock only once a day and He means for it to be in the afternoon. Still, here it is just after four and I'm aware of it. I figure if I'm still awake having taken two meds for pain and one sleep aid, meditated and prayed, there's got to be a reason.

I have family spending the night and we are stretched out all over the apartment. I'm sleeping in the living room with my nieces. Right now I have the laptop on the kitchen floor so I won't wake them.

I love having family over. They are the best friends I have and the greatest gift short of salvation God has ever given me. I am cognizant of the fact that many people don't have that relationship with their family.

Monday morning I was also up at four. The Burpeau gals had come to spend the night again. Putting all three of them into bed with me almost always ensures I will spend a good portion of the night dodging arms and legs. Then I had much to give thanks for as well. I love that God allows me to play an important part in their lives. I adore children and not having my own, it's nice to have some I can "borrow" from time to time.

I am glad to have this time to thank God for all He has done and continues to do for me. Time awake also leads to prayer for friends I don't see that often. Remembering them brings feelings of joy. To be able to do this more than compensates for being tired tomorrow.

Having said that, I think I'll get horizontal again and see what happens.

Praying in the kitchen,

jene'

Quiet hugs

Several members of my family are under the weather. But the good news is we can pray for, encourage and comfort each other. I count myself very blessed that we are close. But an even greater blessing is not having to wait until things are difficult to be there for one another.

Right now I have a friend whose father is ill but won't have anything to do with him. His father disapproves of a choice he made and is allowing that to keep walls between them. My heart aches for him and there is little I can do for him but to let him know he has my love. So, we sat together and I gave him a hug.

Several people have told him how he should handle the situation and offered lots of advice. I know from this last year in my life that people love to offer advice, even when it's not wanted. I have had people offer all sorts of suggestions to me this last year. Some of them too bizarre to even repeat. I have no words to express how much I appreciate someone who can offer support and a quiet hug. They have been the best gift.

Think of someone you can gift today.

love,

jene'

Lectio Divina

With the inclement weather we had this week I headed off to Bible study not really certain we were even going to meet. I called Sharon as I was driving to church and had her check the website to see if she could find anything out. As she couldn't find any news, I continued to make my way to the church.

The class was considerably smaller than the week before. I hope it was due to the bad weather and not because some who came to the first session were so baffled by what they found that they couldn't return.

One of the things we are putting into practice in this class is an abbreviated form of Lectio Divina. I think for some in the class it is a new concept. I can recall how baffling it was for me when I first gave it a go. I was young and still open to new ideas so I didn't let the strangeness of it dissuade me. Still, I remember when I first started praying the scriptures. Many things would try to interrupt my time and I used to struggle with finding the silence to listen for God's word. A dear friend pointed out to me that I shouldn't let this worry me and just offer up each stray thought to the Lord for Him to deal with. Once I did that it was so much easier to find the quiet I needed.

It consists of four phases. Reading or listening for the Word God gives you for the day, meditating on the Word, prayer which begins a loving dialogue with God, and then contemplation.

Contemplation

FINALLY, WE simply rest in the presence of the One who has used the Scripture word as a means of inviting us to accept a transforming embrace. No one who has ever been in love needs to be reminded that there are moments in loving relationships when words are unnecessary. It is the same in our relationship with God. Wordless, quiet rest in the presence of the One who loves us has a name in the Christian tradition - contemplation. Once again we practice silence, letting go of our own words; this time simply enjoying the experience of being in the presence of God
The Sisters of St. Clare

I can't tell you how much joy and peace I have found in resting in the quiet listening to One who loves me as no other can. It is the only thing that has kept me from running screaming into the night these last few years. There is no way I would have been able to cope with the turmoil without His loving voice. I love my family and friends dearly and they have been a tremendous help during this same time. As great as they are they were not enough. I had not faltered in my daily Bible study but I had forgotten to listen. I believe God has used these experiences to teach me just how much I needed to hear His voice. He has brought me back to the place where I long to hear Him speak. For that, I would do it all again.

Listening,

jene'

New look

To those who have been reading this for a while you may notice the new look. It's been a long time since I made any decorative changes and I felt in the mood to do so tonight.

I started my new Bible study tonight. I am looking forward to it and had a great time in the first class. It has a long name, Living in the heartbeat of God. Discovering our Spirituality in Christ in the midst of chaos. Several of the activities we participated in tonight are things I do on a daily basis.

I can see I am going to have a great time.

I'll let you know more later, now I've got to tweak some changes in this layout.

Anticipating great life lessons,

jene'

Rejoicing in the moment

Today was full of moments where the choice to rejoice was not easy.

When I woke up this morning the pain that had visited me in the night was still here. I spent some time in a prayer walk remembering there are many reasons to rejoice.

I headed to the bank and for the first time ever, encountered a long line. I then made my way over to the ancillary courthouse to renew the registration on my car. The line wasn't out of the building but it did weave all over the room and entailed a 45 minute wait. Actually this gave me more time to pray and rejoice. Rejoice that I had a bank account and rejoice I can drive around town. Believe me, for anyone who has spent eight months using public transportation this is a phenomenal reason to rejoice.

Next I made my way through heavy traffic to medical center. I was headed down for some blood tests. A dear friend is a great doctor who wants to keep me as healthy as possible. Toward that end he wanted to see if there is anything else he can help me with. I always find a nice parking place in the street when I visit him. I put my money in the meter and headed in. There was a little bit of a back-up in the lab and I was five minutes late getting back to my car. You guessed it, I got my very first parking ticket.

I use meters all the time, at least two or three times a month. This is the first time I have ever missed a deadline. I usually leave a meter with time on it for the next guy to use. It is the cheapest way to park in a city of parking garages.

I called the help line number listed on the citation and chatted with a clerk downtown. I explained what had happened. I couldn't help but laugh as I told her I thought it was a bit rude to get a ticket when I had always been on time before. She started laughing and then apologized. I told her there was no need for her apology. I explained I had spent some time this morning praying for moments to rejoice today. I then told her all the things that had happened. At this point she could hardly catch her breath between the laughs. She said I certainly had a good attitude. I told her I didn't do it on my own. I told her what made the difference today was the time I spent this morning with The Attitude Adjuster. She thanked me and said I had given her much to think about.

Of course to round out the day I spent a good deal of time on I 10 going nowhere. As I was stuck in what had become a large parking lot I pondered the day. I got what I asked for this morning, though not necessarily the way I would have wanted. It really was a day full of moments to rejoice.

Thankful for answered prayer,

jene'

Goals

"A goal without a plan is just a wish." Antoine de Saint-Exupery

This week many are setting goals for the year or listing things they would like to accomplish. A long time ago a great friend challenged me to rethink my approach to goal setting and achieving. She reminded me that many had vague ideas of what they wanted changed but no idea of how to see it to fruition.

Each time I spend the evening with my favorite little girls, we come up with a plan for the night. I always ask them what the want to do. The reply is to "have fun." We then make a list of things we can do to make that happen. It seems a small thing but I hope it helps them to see that getting things done requires thoughtful planning and definite action.

I have a friend who has spent the last couple of years longing for a change. Now her job is ending and change is being forced upon her. She is not alone in her dilemma. I know another who year after year has voiced her desire to make her life different but as each year passes she has done nothing but wish.

The saddest thing is to see this happen to those who supposedly have a connection to the best encourager around. God specializes in transforming. I can personally attest to His power to work miracles. I am the me I am today entirely because of His work. He has supported me, comforted me, and caused me to rejoice in change.

As I contemplate my wishes for this new year I'll spend much time in prayer. Often the things at the top of my list, are not at the top of His. Thankfully He is patient and will wait until my priorities change to His.

Praying for plans,

jene'

Life gets better

Today is really no different from any day this year. Still most of us see a new year as a chance to start over.

Last night when the clock hit midnight one of my little guests jumped up to wish all of us a happy new year. She then told me that this would be the best year ever because we could make it be whatever we wanted.

I started the old year with some severe infirmities. I contemplated the new year and asked for God's grace to cope with the difficulties. I am proud to report that He answered my prayers. I have learned how to rely on Him for all my needs. God gave me what I needed.

My health is still a shaky affair, but my heart is solid. God's peace can see me through anything I will encounter. I know this now to be true. For that, last year will go down in my memory as a grand one.

Glad to be one whom God loves,

jene'

A difficult job

Today the man who had the most difficult job in all of history died.

Gerald Ford was a good man who was asked to do an impossible job. He was asked to lead our nation in it's most divisive time since the civil war. He tried to bring healing from the scandal of the Watergate conspiracy, and peace to a nation trying to end a war we were losing.

He was never elected to the post he worked so hard to serve so well. He did the right things although not easy. He came under fire for the pardon he gave to President Nixon, at the time a very unpopular move. But now, even those who criticized him then realize he did what was necessary to heal the pain our nation was in.

For taking on such a task and giving it his best, he deserves to be honored.

just thinking,

jene'

...and Heaven makes her sing...

My nephew Grant is a force unto himself. Like most who are still so fresh from the hand of God he hasn't had time to let the world change him yet.

Anyone who spent time in church while growing up can relate at least one hymn they used to mangle when they were young. I still have trouble singing "bringing in the sheaves". When I was a child we sang this song often at my grandfather's church. Since he was a shepherd and sheep are often mentioned in the Bible, I always sang that line as "bringing in the sheep". I was a teenager before I could sing that song correctly.

Last night Grant was caroling himself with his favorite Christmas tunes and was doing a good rendition of "Joy to the World". The last line was truly a work of his heart as he sang "and Heaven makes her sing, and Heaven makes her sing."

While he didn't get the lyrics quite right, he was profoundly truthful. Thoughts of Heaven make me sing. Amazement that Jesus left heaven for me, makes me sing. Joy at the thought of one day joining Him in Heaven, makes me sing. The comfort of knowing many of those I have loved are already in Heaven, makes me sing. The hope that one day everyone I know will be in heaven, makes me sing.

From this moment on I don't think I will ever be able to sing that carol without thinking of Grant. He has caused me to love an old favorite even more for a new reason.

Singing of Heaven,

jene'