Wearing the green

In the morning I will put on my green shirt and go to work. I will remember that St. Patrick dedicated his life to loving those who had enslaved him. He made the right choice, not the easy choice. Hate is easy, love takes courage. I need to be as courageous as he. As I am wearing my green shirt, I pray that it will remind me to love those I find it difficult to love.

Wanting to wear the green in my heart every day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day,

jené

Happy Birthday Mum!

There is one person on this earth who knows all my secrets and loves me anyway. That person is my mother. She is my confessor, best friend, guidance counselor and sounding board all rolled into one. She comforts, consoles and corrects always using the gentleness of her heart.

I look at her and am able to see how God loves me.
All of my life she has been there for me.
When I was headed down a wrong path,
when I didn't listen to her,
and when I came back shamed,
her welcome was never withheld,
her forgiveness never faked,
her love never ceasing.
I look at my mother and realize,
this side of heaven
she's the clearest vision
I will have of the face of God!

Thanks Mum ! Thanks God for giving me such a mum!

love,

jené

Practicing what I preach

It's never easy for me to admit when I have failed. I have failed again and it took me a while to even figure out where I had gone wrong.

Nights are hard now, finding enough relief from pain to sleep is the main goal of every night. Several times in the last few weeks I have been able to fall asleep only to be awakened by loud music being blared by either neighboring apartments or cars blasting tunes. I have felt angry, frustrated and helpless to do anything about the situation. Last night it happened again. I lay there feeling angrier and angrier. I knew I was going to have trouble falling back to sleep. When I can't sleep I usually spend the time praying. I feel then at least the time awake is put to good use.

Last night I shifted around until I was fairly comfortable and started to pray. Well, I guess it would be more accurate to say I tried to pray. I knew my heart wasn't in it so I tried to figure out what was wrong. I was still feeling anger at those who had woken me from a hard won sleep.

In a moment of clarity I realized I wasn't even trying to love my neighbor at that point. I was holding on to bitter feelings and even worse, I felt justified to do so. It is not as though I don't feel they bear the blame for being rude, but that does not negate my need to forgive them. Whether they seek my forgiveness or not, I am bound by God's command to do so. As I was laying there asking God to give me the desire to forgive them I realized something else I had forgotten. I forgot that the person who woke me is a creation of God's. He has God's fingerprints all over Him and that is reason enough for me to love him.

Thankfully God forgives much better than I do and He gifted me with the desire to forgive the ones I felt had offended me. Right now there is someone outside blasting their bass. It is reminding me that God loves me even when I fail and He will give me whatever I need to share His love with others.

Glad to know that falling short never takes me out of His love,

jené

Flat on my face

When I first read this cartoon it made me think of how many times when danger is near it is important to prostrate yourself on the ground. In a fire you are taught to crawl along the ground where the air is freshest. If you catch on fire you are to stop drop and roll. When you feel faint you are to lie down.

I experienced a variation of this saving yourself by falling on your face these past couple of weeks. I developed shingles on top of everything else I have going on. The first thing I thought when I saw the rash was "Dear God, how do I cope with this too?" So I did what I have learned is the best thing to do in any situation. I fell flat on my face and begged God for the grace and courage to get through the next few weeks. I fall on my face often enough now that frankly the floor is becoming my second home.

The best gift has been the people who are willing to join me on the floor. I called several hard praying friends and they went to work. I love friends who don't just say they will pray for you, but will stop whatever they are doing and pray right there with you. There is such power and glory in two of God's children praying together. Face to face or over the phone, there is no better gift than someone who will go to God with you. I am so blessed to have people in my life who don't only claim to know Christ, but who instead show they know Christ!

Grateful for a God who sends me comfort on the floor,

jené

Lent

My pastor has asked the question " What are you giving up for Lent?" For me, the whole emphasis of Lent was more upon what I was going to take on than what I was going to give up. Friends are giving up soda, chocolate, a popular item I have heard this year is giving up facebook or twitter. I think for many the whole meaning of Lent has been twisted into some sort of self improvement movement.

Lent was originally observed as a way to draw closer to God in preparation for the celebration of Easter. The practice of fasting was more than not eating, it meant taking the time you would have spent eating and spending that time in prayer and Bible study instead. Each year I spend time in prayer about where to engage my time during Lent. In this past year I have been so blessed with many opportunities to serve my fellow man. As I was thinking and praying about this the other night I found myself being drawn to spend this season in service to others. Easter is all about the sacrifice Christ made for me. As a disciple of His, can I do less?

So this year for Lent I am sacrificing time and will spend it helping others. Since making the decision just three days ago I have already been presented with several chances in the next forty days to do just that. Proves the fact that at the moment of commitment God moves the entire universe to conspire to assist me!

Looking forward to what the season will bring,

jené

Kingdom Assignment

Kingdom Assignment




Kingdom Assignment: Hope




Kingdom Assignment: Giving Back



I was so blessed to be a part of this endeavor. Gathering with all those who had taken this journey on Sunday made for a glorious day! It is not often you get so many together who have made the choice not to live in what the cross has done for them but to live instead in what the cross is doing in them! I was touched and humbled to have played a part in this adventure.

This had taken me out of my comfort zone but it gave me the realization that I can choose to take what is given to me and work to realize heaven on earth. Nothing is so heavenly as sharing God's love with those around me!

Thankful for the life lesson,

jené

Love

It seems only fitting on this day before Valentine's day to reflect on love. In the last few years I have felt overwhelmed with the need to share God's love with everyone around me.

In a "God winks" kind of week I have found myself in different dialogues with several fellow bloggers and friends on love. One who became convicted because his preconceived notions kept him from reaching out to someone. Thankfully he saw the opportunity to change his perceptions and now has a new outlook. Another was someone who was offended by an ad a church had sent out asking people to let God be their valentine. It seemed he could not see anything except a degradation of the salvation message. Because of this he could not even give them the benefit of the doubt that their attempt might have just been a way to express God's love in an easily understandable way.

This week I signed up for this year's Project 180 at church. For the past four years I have enjoyed being part of sharing God's love with our neighbors. It looks to be a long day as I will also be volunteering to help with the Avon walk for breast cancer on that same day. (the 4 am shift no less!) An acquaintance remarked at least part of my day would be spent in Godly activities. Taking a moment to choose my words carefully I told her I believed the entire day would be spent that way. Sadly, she does not realize that everything I do is done for the Lord. You cannot separate your spiritual life from your life. They are one in the same.

I have spent much of this week asking myself just how far could or should I go to make God's love felt. What am I willing to give of myself? I have also spent a good deal of time unable to do anything outside of the apartment. Funny how God can make good use of my "down" time. I kept finding the lyrics to Bob Dylan's song "To Make You Feel My Love" running through my brain. N.B. if you have not yet heard Adele's cover of this you should give it a listen.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

I know this was written to show how far a lover would go to reassure his love. But it had me thinking of just how far would I go to share God's love. Before you begin questioning my sanity or theological thought processes, I know there is more to God beyond His love for me. But you have to start somewhere and I think the I John 4:19 is as good a place as any; "We love because He first loved us."

Loving responsively,

jené

My kitty is not doing so well...

I got a call Friday night from one of my favorite little girls. We had spent the afternoon together the day before and had talked about how her kitty cat was probably not going to be with us for much longer. She was calling to let me know what was happening. I answered my phone and she said "nené, my kitty isn't doing so well, he passed away." I was torn in two that moment. My heart felt so much for the loss of her furry friend, but part of me had to work to reign in a chuckle at her phrasing. As I worked to reassure her that we never really lose those we love, I kept thinking how many things in life bring a duality with them.

Right now I am really struggling with pain and impaired movement. Yet these same things have brought blessings as well. So many have reached out to show their love and given me words of compassion and encouragement. Even being stuck in bed has brought blessing. Nothing like being able to do nothing to make sure your heart is settled and to feel God's love flooding your soul. So RA brings both hardship and blessing. I pray I remain open enough to always see the duality and appreciate the gifts difficult times bring.

Grateful to have both sides of the coin,

jené

I got tagged on facebook

Deciding Nancy had the right idea, I am posting this here as it will make it's way over to facebook. Courtney tagged me in the 25 random things.

1. Kindergarten was not mandatory, so I never went. It probably was for the best. I have multiple learning disabilities and early failure would have changed much.
2. I went to seven different schools from the first to twelfth grade, from England to Japan.
3. I love to play in the snow.
4. I have perfect pitch. When I was very young I freaked out my parents by announcing the piano was out of tune.
5. My first piano teacher knew of my learning troubles and discovered turning the sheet music upside down helped.
6. I pray for my nieces and nephews everyday. I love them dearly! As I have no children I'll need one of them to care for me in my old age. I am praying they will have kind hearts and the means necessary to care for me in the manner to which I hope to become accustomed.
7. I have rheumatoid arthritis.
8. I love British comedy the sillier the better.
   
9. I walk when I am troubled or need to settle my heart. Preferably on a beach, but you can find me on the streets of Houston several times per week.
10. I print everything. My name is the only thing I can handle in cursive. (dysgraphia is one of the disabilities in my learning troubles)
11. I always unravel anything I crochet, somewhere in the middle I start to go backwards.
    
12. One of my old boyfriends is now a Catholic priest! In fact he is a Bishop. He loves to tell everyone I drove him to the priesthood. Actually I just told him we had no future as long as he was not serious about his faith. He got serious!
13. When I need to remember something I make up a song about it. I can recall lyrics better than anything.
14. When I get sick, I want my mommy. I don't think I will ever be too old to want her with me.
15. I am learning to create art using a Wacom tablet. It's a change, but a welcome one.
16. I have had a life long struggle with being patient. I often lose.
17. I love to take naps and do so whenever possible.
18. I enjoy learning new things and try to pick up some new skill each year.
19. I hope to grow up just like my grandfather. He was a "fine old English gentleman." He stayed young at heart and was the kindest and most giving man you could ever meet.
20. Green has always been my favorite color, so much so that for one birthday I asked my mom to make my birthday cake green.
21. Making bread is therapy for me. Kneading the dough helps me relax.
22. Chuy's deluxe tomatillo or creamy jalepeno sauce is a sure fire way to open my sinuses. It's just a bonus it's so delicious!
23. I love getting email and text messages from my niece Grace. It always makes me smile.
24. If days could start without mornings my life would be perfect.
25. I want everyone to know how much Jesus loves them and I intend to tell everybody, one person at a time.

Probably more than you ever wanted to know,

jené

proverb

Tonight has been a "Man plans, God laughs" kind of night. I came home knackered, dropped the groceries on the floor grabbing only those needing refrigeration. Putting them away I decided a cheese sandwich and a long hot bath would be the perfect segue into an early night.

My knee gave out in the kitchen and the sandwich hit the floor. As long as I was down there anyway, I scrubbed the floor. Made a new sandwich and finally had dinner. Filled the tub with epsom salts and nice hot water. Just as I was readying to step in, my phone rang. Almost let it go but decided to see who it was just in case. A friend who is in the middle of financial straights was calling. I was torn; I really needed the heat to ease the pain in my joints, but she is having such a difficult time I just didn't feel right about not answering her call. When I finally got off the phone the water was cold. Drained the tub and started all over. Emerged from the tub all wrinkled and somewhat relieved. Opened the lotion to slather all over; I did. Motor skills being what they are, I dropped the bottle with the lid off and sent lotion all over the bathroom floor. Tonight just seems destined for me to scrub floors. As I sat in the lotion I couldn't help but laugh. Only God could take everyday occurrences and use them as life lessons for me to seek more laughter in my life.

So here I am at 10:30 pm having well missed what I hoped to be an early night. I find myself still smiling. There's a lot of truth in old Yiddish proverbs and I am glad. God reminded me tonight that even in the midst of pain laughter can be found if you just choose to find it. I'm heading to bed now, the groceries are still by the door, the dishwasher needs to be emptied, but I have the cleanest floors in town!

Sleep tight!

-jené