08 February 2005


I was cruising around the internet and got a tip from a friend to check out an article that had made her say what?

In the first place I don't think I would look to a multi-married celebrity for any marriage advice, but this is just too bizarre to ignore. Evidently Mr. Smith believes his marriage will survive because they have agreed that honesty is the basis for a long lasting relationship. While this is true, they have also concluded that fidelity is not a necessary part of the same. This made my head and heart hurt. If you can't count on the most important person in your life to be just for you, what is the point?

Even sadder is the fact that this is considered newsworthy and that so many are seeing it as an enlightened view of marriage in this century.

I think I'll try to find the brain cells I used reading about this and see if I can have them wiped clean.


Anonymous said...

hi. ctstreet here. just posting anonymously because i dont have a blogger acccount. hope you dont mind. came across your blog kinda by accident but was intrigued by an item in your movie list and by your take on the honesty but not fidelity thing with regards to marriage. what if your husband slept with someone else? would that mean your marriage would be over?

jene' said...

Depends, trust would be seriously damaged and honor would be a tattered rag. That's a major setback to overcome. Both honor and trust are necessary for a good relationship.

Anonymous said...

hi. ctstreet again. i guess i'd feel i'd be giving up too much if i divorced my husband over sex. that it might even be selfish of me to divorce because of sex. i like sex but it isnt sacred to me, perhaps. keeping my family together is very important to me. giving the kids a household with a mom and a dad i also think is very important. in my case if he wanted a divorce because he was in love with someone else i guess we could discuss it but if he just wanted sex then i dont think i'd have any issue turning the other cheek so to speak. I'd think of the others as, i dont know, raquetball partners or something. maybe its a class issue. maybe its an age issue. not sure. i guess, my point is, effectively i end up in the same place as Mr Smith without making any gasp-inspiring pronouncements to the press (but i'm no celebrity so who would care) but i bet there are other people -- even other Christians -- who also dont hold sex sacred, or at least, have it quite a bit further down the list from family.

jene' said...

Sex can't be too far down the list from family, as that's how you got the family in the first place.

It's the one thing God has given us which gives us a tiny taste of the power of creation that He has. Outside of salvation its His best gift to us. Something to be cherished, to celebrate, and enjoy.

Playing a game of requetball won't produce children.

Anonymous said...

hi again. ctstreet here. i wont divert your time with this subject much longer although i do appreciate our discussion. i must say i would caution anyone about holding sex in such high regard and ask them to reconsider comparisons to creation or salvation.

plant a sunflower seed and with the smallest amount of light and water a sunflower begins to grow right where you planted it. People are delighted by the little sprout, perhaps, but not too surprised. Tell people you created the sunflower sprout and you might get some raised eyebrows. Who is the creator, the one who planted or the place where it grows? neither. Both are tools of the creator. If I possessed the power of creation I think I should require neither and be able to say let there be “boy” and surprise there would be a boy. That would be creation … and confidentially if I knew I had that power I might just be more specific and say let there be a three year old boy (to skip over some of the tough stuff) who is curious and can dance and sing and has all the ingredients to grow into a good man who will love his family and his creator. What I have isnt that and I, in turn, dont parallel my ability to have sex, or the act in general, with possessing any kind of special power akin to the power of creation. With regard to growing a little bag of blood and bones and brains into a person, I am a vessel. Merely a vessel. I like to think I’m a good vessel and pretty and smart and a vessel that’ll give you a run for your money but still not a creator just a place for growth to happen. Yet a good place.

Additionally i couldnt compare sex with salvation either and have some reservation even calling it a gift (at least a very good gift) because its a thing that causes more pain than joy if you don’t keep it in proper perspective. the amount of passion and heartache and misunderstanding and dissension and jealously sex is a part of … the number of people who blow their families up because of sex … it makes me just shake my head. so pointless. it can cause us to become very short-sighted forgetting there are many other things beyond (above, below, to the left and the right) our present infatuation or concern. important things. like family. there is a time for sex, there is a special kind of ripeness during a season of our lives that cant be ignored and should be enjoyed and even celebrated but the sun continues to go up and down over and over and around we go again and soon the season changes and with it the years and then the decades. Priorities change with time but I don’t think I’ll ever say I wish I placed more importance on sex or held it in more sacred regard. I don’t think I’ll ever say I wished I wouldve spent more time being concerned about my husband playing racquetball with someone else. Sex, and being too persnickity about the traditional rules of marriage is just not that important when compared to things I know will last beyond me, like family.

I hope my point here is recognized as one of perspective, perspective that we as Americans might have more trouble with than other parts of the world – as reflected in our divorce rate. If we can divide what lasts from what doesn’t and try and focus on the former. When things don’t turn out like we thought they were supposed to, we might just be a better off displaying more tolerance and more forgiveness especially toward the one we said we'd cherish forever we might just be better off. In the long run.

jene' said...

I'm glad you feel open enough to share your feelings. That is a great thing.

I'm also glad you have found a way to feel comfortable with your beliefs.

You are right when you say we cannot create. What I meant is that having a child is as close as we humans will ever get to the act of creation.

I think we will always disagree about sex being a gift. As a gift from God it doesn't lead to jealousy, the misuse of it does.

Still, we can be happy that we have the freedom to have differing viewpoints but still find other areas to share.