Yelling at God

how can i hurt like this?

i know You love me and sometimes i wonder,

why don't You heal me?

i know You still work miracles today.

so why haven't You rescued me from this agony?

am i doing something wrong?

am i out of Your favor?

i lay here crying when i hear You whisper,

"I love you my child and will never let you go,

yell at me all you want,

I will never cease to hold you in My embrace."

and it comes to me in a blinding flash:

i don't have to wonder if You are real,

i don't have to question Your presence in my life,

i survived today because i knew You were with me.

so this disease which is taking my body from me,

is gifting me with the surety of Your love in my life.

it brings me to a place few get to see,

absolute certainty of Your Hand on my life.

for that i will be grateful.

jené