Tough times

There have been many times in my life when things have been difficult to the point of overwhelming. If you were just looking at the facts of my life right now, you would think this another such period. Objectively, I can see all the things which would make this be the worst time of my life. But subjectively, it doesn't feel that way.

I have been this poor before. I have had times of increasing pain and limitations before. I have had periods where everything fell apart around me before. Yet this time, when all three are in place, I don't feel the despair I have felt in the past. This morning in a moment of enforced stillness I asked myself ; Why?

What is different now that I haven't had before. In looking back at the different times in my life when the "going got tough" I realized I often adhered to the motto that the "tough get going." That's just not possible now. Not having the ability to bail myself out of difficulty has forced me to rely upon God's grace completely.

There is nothing I have done to make this one of the best times of my life. Pain is still present. My movements are limited. I have to look for discounted items at the grocery store. I don't turn the key in the ignition except for necessary trips. And in the midst of all of the myriad of emotions each day brings there is no despair. For me, that is the best news ever. Now I find myself thanking my heavenly Father for the love and comfort He is gifting me. I am glad He is kind enough to listen when I yell at Him. I am grateful He helps me to redirect my focus to what I can do instead of what I can't do. I hope to someday be thankful for all the tough times, for now I am thankful for what they have brought to me.

Glad to have finally learned that grace makes a great comfort zone!

jené