Oh how God loves to weave together disparate moments in my life to bring a single lesson to my soul. Today was no exception. Get comfy and I will share how all of these seemingly unrelated events come together so well.
One day at work this week I was having a particularly rough day. I knew it was going to be so when I fell twice in the shower while getting ready for work. I took some time after the shower to ask God to give me the joy I should feel for the day He had given me. Often I am on my knees asking God to gift me a spirit of rejoicing I just cannot muster on my own. A friend asked me how I was doing. Knowing he cares to hear the truth and not forced "fine" I told him it was a difficult day but that we both would get through it well. He then said " It may be difficult but you are still smiling." I told him that my smile was truly a gift from God as I could not find it in myself that morning. I said the good thing about belonging to God was that He did not expect me to be what I wasn't but was willing to gift me what I needed to be what He wanted.
Later in the week I found myself with another trying day. I have been experiencing random muscle spasms and twitching of late and it was fairly pronounced on Thursday. I was frustrated by how it was affecting my work and concerned about what it might mean to the ongoing changes that make up my altering state of health. I took a few moments to have a sit down in the break room to center my heart. At that point late in the day I was all out of a joyful spirit and asked God to help me to remember His love for me no matter what comes my way.
A dear friend inquired about what was going on. I shared my frustration with her amidst some gentle tears and deep sighs. She and I know that we cannot control what comes our way but we can choose how we are going to respond. She also has had some difficult moments in her life where we have prayed together for us to remember to seek God's bottomless reservoir of grace to gift us what we lack. The great thing is we do not feel the need to pretend to each other that we are anything but what we are. We are flawed women seeking to live for God's glory and encourage each other along the way. Praying together is the best time two friends can share. You cannot help but be your true self at God's altar. Having a friend who knows exactly who you are and is your friend in spite of it is a priceless gift.
We sat together for a long time and she listened so lovingly as I poured out all the opportunities for praise I was still feeling disquieted about. Many years ago we decided to refer to difficulties as opportunities for praise. We hoped that by recognizing a positive change can come negative situation it would help us to remember that God uses our entire lives to draw us closer to Him.
I shared with her the lingering sense of failure I felt after the Hurricane. While I am so grateful to have been able to open my tiny apartment to so many people there is one thing from the past two weeks that still causes me to feel like I have failed. There is someone close to me who has known me for years. After seeing my life from a close perspective she still does not recognize that my helping others after the storm was not an extraordinary thing but something that every believer is called to do. I feel as if I have failed to show her how God expects us to loves others. With so many years invested in this relationship I wonder if I have even made a difference in her life. I know in my head that God calls me to obedience and I should leave the results for Him. My heart is having a difficult time with this lesson. I asked my prayer partner to pray I would let go of this feeling of failure and remember to trust God's plan for everything in my life.
Knowing me as she does she asked if there was anything else I had not yet surrendered to the Lord. I confessed I was also feeling disappointed about having to miss a conference I really wanted to attend this coming weekend. Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church is hosting a Renovaré conference titled "Life with God: Celebrating Lifelong Discipleship". I have read and received much from the presenters who are coming.
When I got the email telling me of the upcoming event I pulled out the calendar to see how I could work it in. I work part-time in retail and have to request time off at least a month in advance. In order to take a weekend day off I have to find someone with my skill level to cover my shift. As a part timer I do get some vacation time but I have already allocated those days off to go home for a few days before Thanksgiving. To attend this conference I would lose two days of pay and have to come up with the registration fee as well. After praying about attending I felt comfortable making the commitment to it.
As is readily apparent much has changed in the six weeks since I made the decision to attend. Ike came to Houston. What was going to be a stretch for my normal budget is now impossible. While several people have stepped forward to help, everything I have is going toward paying the bills and hopefully to restock both the pantry and the medicine cabinet. I told her I felt so shallow to be whining about missing an extracurricular activity when so many are without homes. Things are tight but there is a roof over my head. God has really blessed me and I am grateful for it and the opportunity to share it with my neighbors these past two weeks. I have asked God to use Friday and Saturday as special days for Him. After all, I have the time off I should do something good with it!
Here's where it all comes together to be woven into a needed life lesson.
I have been in Second Corinthians for my quiet time this week. I know you have already read much but I want to share with you a few verses from the Fourth chapter.
Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.
Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.
If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!
Verses 1-2, and 5-12 from The Message
As God has so often done He led me to church today to hear His Words. Once again God had Doug reaffirm the lessons He has been teaching me. His sermon today was all about letting go of the masks we might hide behind to be our true selves. Coincidences are to be cherished. A few years ago Mike Fry got me to read When God Winks. It taught me God used what I thought were coincidences were actually times He was winking at me. I remember how loved I used to feel when my Grumpdaddy used to wink at me. He would catch my eye from across the room or dinner table and wink. To this day I associate a wink with unconditional love.
So everything of late has worked together to convince me I am at my best when I come to God at my worst and let Him work in me. After all, if I wear a mask I won't be able to see God winking at me.
Glad to be winked at,
jené
P.S. My Grumpdaddy was my mother's father. My attempts at Granddaddy failed and all of my little sisters were stuck with the name I had given him. When I was a little girl and he used to hold me I thought that it was what it must be like to be hugged by God. That's why his winks always made me feel so loved.
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