What do I see when I look in the mirror?

So much of my physical appearance has changed in the last few years. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I am surprised by what I find. Yes, I am lighter than I was, that's good. My hair is currently more than half gray . It's graying so evenly that one of my little friends once asked me who highlights my hair! I told her God was doing a fabulous job with that. The changes RA has brought to my joints is a completely different story. I can see what were once lovely hands becoming gnarled and clumsy. I have always had a great pair of gams, but now they are hardly worth noting because of the disfiguring of my knees and ankles.

Growing up I always knew there were many differences between me and my schoolmates. I had to have special help to learn to write. To this day I cannot write in cursive. Knowing I saw the world the way no one else did could have been disastrous save for my mother's words of encouragement. She told me more than once God had wonderful plans for me which needed all my differences.

I think she had more of an impact than even she might have thought.

I can do nothing about the changes now occurring so why should I worry? Gnarled knees and funky cane shouldn't define how others see me, if it does, I can't let it bother me. I want people to think of me based on what they find in my heart. I want them to know how much I love my Jesus. I want others to see how much my heart yearns for everyone to love Him too. I want the world to feel my desire to take care of God's creation. From the people on the planet, to the planet itself, I want to do everything I can to make it better. These are the things I want to see when I look in the mirror.

All this self reflection was brought on by something I read a couple of weeks ago on a blog I love. A beautiful, kind woman had spent weeks finding just the right thing to wear to a wedding. At the eleventh hour a problem arose. I was engrossed in her story waiting to see how she was going to bring about a happy ending. Imagine the gut wrenching disappointment when I realized she had let this snafu defeat her. How could this lovely women not see her beauty transcends anything else she could have chosen to wear? She stayed home and sent her sweetheart off without her. I just wept. She, who knows so very well she is made in God's wonderful image, allowed the vanity of looking good to keep her from facing the world. I want to take her in my arms and remind her she is gorgeous on the inside. That shines through the worst of outfits!

Remembering it is what the heart sees that matters,

jené