Last night at around this time my sister called. She was quick to reassure me she only had good news to share. This was good to know as late night calls are not always so.
My nephew and my niece made the decision last night to make Jesus the Lord of their lives. This excites me no end. It is a joy to know they have chosen to seek God's guidance on their own.
They are being raised in a home of faith. But that doesn't make any difference if they do not reach out and claim their faith as their own. As an aunt who prays for them daily, this makes a big difference to me. Now I can rejoice that one of my prayers regarding them has been answered.
The only bad thing about finding out last night was that I was so excited I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I find the excitement hasn't lessened much in the 24 hours that have passed. I have been sharing my joy with my prayer partners and they have been glad to hear the news.
Rejoicing still,
me
Showing posts with label answered prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label answered prayer. Show all posts
24 April 2007
04 January 2007
Rejoicing in the moment
Today was full of moments where the choice to rejoice was not easy.
When I woke up this morning the pain that had visited me in the night was still here. I spent some time in a prayer walk remembering there are many reasons to rejoice.
I headed to the bank and for the first time ever, encountered a long line. I then made my way over to the ancillary courthouse to renew the registration on my car. The line wasn't out of the building but it did weave all over the room and entailed a 45 minute wait. Actually this gave me more time to pray and rejoice. Rejoice that I had a bank account and rejoice I can drive around town. Believe me, for anyone who has spent eight months using public transportation this is a phenomenal reason to rejoice.
Next I made my way through heavy traffic to medical center. I was headed down for some blood tests. A dear friend is a great doctor who wants to keep me as healthy as possible. Toward that end he wanted to see if there is anything else he can help me with. I always find a nice parking place in the street when I visit him. I put my money in the meter and headed in. There was a little bit of a back-up in the lab and I was five minutes late getting back to my car. You guessed it, I got my very first parking ticket.
I use meters all the time, at least two or three times a month. This is the first time I have ever missed a deadline. I usually leave a meter with time on it for the next guy to use. It is the cheapest way to park in a city of parking garages.
I called the help line number listed on the citation and chatted with a clerk downtown. I explained what had happened. I couldn't help but laugh as I told her I thought it was a bit rude to get a ticket when I had always been on time before. She started laughing and then apologized. I told her there was no need for her apology. I explained I had spent some time this morning praying for moments to rejoice today. I then told her all the things that had happened. At this point she could hardly catch her breath between the laughs. She said I certainly had a good attitude. I told her I didn't do it on my own. I told her what made the difference today was the time I spent this morning with The Attitude Adjuster. She thanked me and said I had given her much to think about.
Of course to round out the day I spent a good deal of time on I 10 going nowhere. As I was stuck in what had become a large parking lot I pondered the day. I got what I asked for this morning, though not necessarily the way I would have wanted. It really was a day full of moments to rejoice.
Thankful for answered prayer,
jene'
When I woke up this morning the pain that had visited me in the night was still here. I spent some time in a prayer walk remembering there are many reasons to rejoice.
I headed to the bank and for the first time ever, encountered a long line. I then made my way over to the ancillary courthouse to renew the registration on my car. The line wasn't out of the building but it did weave all over the room and entailed a 45 minute wait. Actually this gave me more time to pray and rejoice. Rejoice that I had a bank account and rejoice I can drive around town. Believe me, for anyone who has spent eight months using public transportation this is a phenomenal reason to rejoice.
Next I made my way through heavy traffic to medical center. I was headed down for some blood tests. A dear friend is a great doctor who wants to keep me as healthy as possible. Toward that end he wanted to see if there is anything else he can help me with. I always find a nice parking place in the street when I visit him. I put my money in the meter and headed in. There was a little bit of a back-up in the lab and I was five minutes late getting back to my car. You guessed it, I got my very first parking ticket.
I use meters all the time, at least two or three times a month. This is the first time I have ever missed a deadline. I usually leave a meter with time on it for the next guy to use. It is the cheapest way to park in a city of parking garages.
I called the help line number listed on the citation and chatted with a clerk downtown. I explained what had happened. I couldn't help but laugh as I told her I thought it was a bit rude to get a ticket when I had always been on time before. She started laughing and then apologized. I told her there was no need for her apology. I explained I had spent some time this morning praying for moments to rejoice today. I then told her all the things that had happened. At this point she could hardly catch her breath between the laughs. She said I certainly had a good attitude. I told her I didn't do it on my own. I told her what made the difference today was the time I spent this morning with The Attitude Adjuster. She thanked me and said I had given her much to think about.
Of course to round out the day I spent a good deal of time on I 10 going nowhere. As I was stuck in what had become a large parking lot I pondered the day. I got what I asked for this morning, though not necessarily the way I would have wanted. It really was a day full of moments to rejoice.
Thankful for answered prayer,
jene'
01 January 2007
Life gets better
Today is really no different from any day this year. Still most of us see a new year as a chance to start over.
Last night when the clock hit midnight one of my little guests jumped up to wish all of us a happy new year. She then told me that this would be the best year ever because we could make it be whatever we wanted.
I started the old year with some severe infirmities. I contemplated the new year and asked for God's grace to cope with the difficulties. I am proud to report that He answered my prayers. I have learned how to rely on Him for all my needs. God gave me what I needed.
My health is still a shaky affair, but my heart is solid. God's peace can see me through anything I will encounter. I know this now to be true. For that, last year will go down in my memory as a grand one.
Glad to be one whom God loves,
jene'
Last night when the clock hit midnight one of my little guests jumped up to wish all of us a happy new year. She then told me that this would be the best year ever because we could make it be whatever we wanted.
I started the old year with some severe infirmities. I contemplated the new year and asked for God's grace to cope with the difficulties. I am proud to report that He answered my prayers. I have learned how to rely on Him for all my needs. God gave me what I needed.
My health is still a shaky affair, but my heart is solid. God's peace can see me through anything I will encounter. I know this now to be true. For that, last year will go down in my memory as a grand one.
Glad to be one whom God loves,
jene'
05 December 2006
Seeing Jesus
This fall we had a sermon series on "Seeing Jesus". It has been very illuminating and given me much to think about and put into practice. This week I had an opportunity to put word to action.
I am moved into the new place but more boxes are packed than not. I have met several of the neighbors and twice I have had the chance to share the blessings God extended during the move. Two ladies in the laundry asked me how I was settling in while I was loading and folding clothes from the dryer. I laughed and said that God was good as things went fairly well considering I was profoundly ill on the day of the move. They asked me what I meant and I was able to share how even when things were going wrong in life I could count on God to see me through.
One lady named Gloria was intrigued and kept asking question after question. We spent about half an hour in the laundry room long after all our clothes were dry. She wanted to know how I could laugh about what must have been an awful day. I explained that knowing Jesus means knowing that all will work out for my good even when I can't see how it will. After we had chatted a while longer I told her I would love to tell her more of God's goodness to me. When we parted she said she might like to hear more another time.
To understand why this is really a big cause for rejoicing I'll have to share a bit of the back story with you.
Back in the summer I started looking for a new place to live as both my roommate and myself were unhappy will the level of service or rather the lack of service we were receiving at our old home. The management had put on all new staff and promised us that things would be better. We had decided to give them a second chance and made arrangements to move into another property they owned down the street. Just over a month before we were to move, a rainstorm caused massive flooding in our kitchen. They maintenance people kept saying they were coming but never showed up. This we took as a sign that is was time to look for another location. Thankfully we had not yet signed a new lease.
I found our current home on-line. I was checking it out because a friend had lived her several years ago and had enjoyed it. We both liked the floorplan and all the extra space. The rates were good and the staff seemed helpful and personable. The only drawback was the dryer would need to be gas and mine was electric. We decided to move and use alternative methods to dry the laundry until we could afford a dryer.
Because I wanted to do several loads, I washed them in the apartment and then walked the wet clothes to the dryer in one of the four laundry rooms on-site. If I had not been willing to let go of the dryer I would have never met Gloria and Marie.
While you may not think this is a big deal to me it is. We can never know when we will be the one to reflect the light of Jesus to others. When it happens you may be the only chance that person has to "see Jesus".
I am moved into the new place but more boxes are packed than not. I have met several of the neighbors and twice I have had the chance to share the blessings God extended during the move. Two ladies in the laundry asked me how I was settling in while I was loading and folding clothes from the dryer. I laughed and said that God was good as things went fairly well considering I was profoundly ill on the day of the move. They asked me what I meant and I was able to share how even when things were going wrong in life I could count on God to see me through.
One lady named Gloria was intrigued and kept asking question after question. We spent about half an hour in the laundry room long after all our clothes were dry. She wanted to know how I could laugh about what must have been an awful day. I explained that knowing Jesus means knowing that all will work out for my good even when I can't see how it will. After we had chatted a while longer I told her I would love to tell her more of God's goodness to me. When we parted she said she might like to hear more another time.
To understand why this is really a big cause for rejoicing I'll have to share a bit of the back story with you.
Back in the summer I started looking for a new place to live as both my roommate and myself were unhappy will the level of service or rather the lack of service we were receiving at our old home. The management had put on all new staff and promised us that things would be better. We had decided to give them a second chance and made arrangements to move into another property they owned down the street. Just over a month before we were to move, a rainstorm caused massive flooding in our kitchen. They maintenance people kept saying they were coming but never showed up. This we took as a sign that is was time to look for another location. Thankfully we had not yet signed a new lease.
I found our current home on-line. I was checking it out because a friend had lived her several years ago and had enjoyed it. We both liked the floorplan and all the extra space. The rates were good and the staff seemed helpful and personable. The only drawback was the dryer would need to be gas and mine was electric. We decided to move and use alternative methods to dry the laundry until we could afford a dryer.
Because I wanted to do several loads, I washed them in the apartment and then walked the wet clothes to the dryer in one of the four laundry rooms on-site. If I had not been willing to let go of the dryer I would have never met Gloria and Marie.
While you may not think this is a big deal to me it is. We can never know when we will be the one to reflect the light of Jesus to others. When it happens you may be the only chance that person has to "see Jesus".
Hoping others see Jesus in me,
jene'
05 September 2006
Learning again and hopefully always
It seems of late that life is overwhelming me. I have taken time to slow down and eliminate a lot of non-essential things, but still I can't keep up.
Evidently my warranty has run out because things are falling apart in me faster than I can repair. I've got two great Doctors who are helping to keep me together. One lives in town with me and one I reach through daily consultation.
He is the Great Physician who can tend me like no other. He has a whole approach to healing me. He reminds me that though my body will last for a short while, my soul lives forever.
In a rather splendid twist I have noticed as my body suffers my soul has learned to fly.
On Monday I could barely move. A friend called and we talked for over an hour sharing all the wonderful things we have been able to learn from and about our Lord this year. Her struggles with a difficult job and an inappreciative staff have caused her to rely more fully on the Grace of God. After I hung up I thought of how ironic it would seem to those who don't know Christ, that what others would see as crisis has become a haven for us.
I have another friend facing possible blindness. She and I talk several times each week and pray with and for each other often. She has been through several life threatening illnesses and now is facing what she considers to be the hardest thing yet. Still, she thanks God for the faith He has gifted her with to face this latest trial. We have both stated we don't know how anyone who does not have this faith can make it through their life.
Both of these women have been such an encouragement and a positive life lesson for me. So thoughtful is my Lord that He not only gives of His comfort, but put these two great women here to comfort me as well.
Thank you God,
and thank you gals,
jene'
Evidently my warranty has run out because things are falling apart in me faster than I can repair. I've got two great Doctors who are helping to keep me together. One lives in town with me and one I reach through daily consultation.
He is the Great Physician who can tend me like no other. He has a whole approach to healing me. He reminds me that though my body will last for a short while, my soul lives forever.
In a rather splendid twist I have noticed as my body suffers my soul has learned to fly.
On Monday I could barely move. A friend called and we talked for over an hour sharing all the wonderful things we have been able to learn from and about our Lord this year. Her struggles with a difficult job and an inappreciative staff have caused her to rely more fully on the Grace of God. After I hung up I thought of how ironic it would seem to those who don't know Christ, that what others would see as crisis has become a haven for us.
I have another friend facing possible blindness. She and I talk several times each week and pray with and for each other often. She has been through several life threatening illnesses and now is facing what she considers to be the hardest thing yet. Still, she thanks God for the faith He has gifted her with to face this latest trial. We have both stated we don't know how anyone who does not have this faith can make it through their life.
Both of these women have been such an encouragement and a positive life lesson for me. So thoughtful is my Lord that He not only gives of His comfort, but put these two great women here to comfort me as well.
Thank you God,
and thank you gals,
jene'
21 June 2006
Birthday curse?
Today I became 45 years old.
Today summer began.
Today anything that could go wrong, did.
I went to work early to cover for a friend who is having surgery. Doing her job meant getting all the cash registers counted and ready to face the new day. Because we had flooding on Monday, we didn't get our regular delivery from the bank. So this morning instead of one change order to count there were two. The procedure has also changed since I last did the accounting and as I was unable to find the things I needed to do it the old way, I gave the new way a shot. While I was still trying to make my way through morning duties and find missing paperwork, a colleague was injured. As I am also a nurse my help was sought to deal with his bleeding thumb and was it ever! I asked someone else to watch over the cash while I rendered what aid I could to the "patient" before he was taken to the doctor. Between my error in counting, a clerical error with a check, and missing validation papers I found myself way behind schedule. By the time I got almost everything complete it was time to go to lunch.
Normally I go to lunch somewhere in the noon to two o'clock neighborhood. Scheduling constraints being what they were I found myself the recipient of a ten a.m. lunch hour. Deciding to make the best of it, I had breakfast.
When I finally found my way to the sales floor I came in contact with several rather unique people. It also seemed that each time I answered the phone I was destined to get the same sort of person. At this point I accepted the fact that this was to be a most unusual day. It really became quite funny to see how the day progressed and just what would happen next. Someone asked if I was under a birthday curse.
The remainder of the day included a very low tire, very slow traffic, and dropping a very, very heavy object on my foot.
You may be asking yourself if I consider this to be my worst birthday ever. The answer is no. Last year would have the title. Last year my Dad began a battle with cancer by having surgery on my birthday. This year no matter what else happens to me in the last few hours of my birthday, nothing can be as horrible as last year's. This year my dad is alive to see me have this birthday. For that reason alone, this is my best birthday ever!
Thank you God for letting me keep my daddy with me. I still need him lots.
love,
jene'
Today summer began.
Today anything that could go wrong, did.
I went to work early to cover for a friend who is having surgery. Doing her job meant getting all the cash registers counted and ready to face the new day. Because we had flooding on Monday, we didn't get our regular delivery from the bank. So this morning instead of one change order to count there were two. The procedure has also changed since I last did the accounting and as I was unable to find the things I needed to do it the old way, I gave the new way a shot. While I was still trying to make my way through morning duties and find missing paperwork, a colleague was injured. As I am also a nurse my help was sought to deal with his bleeding thumb and was it ever! I asked someone else to watch over the cash while I rendered what aid I could to the "patient" before he was taken to the doctor. Between my error in counting, a clerical error with a check, and missing validation papers I found myself way behind schedule. By the time I got almost everything complete it was time to go to lunch.
Normally I go to lunch somewhere in the noon to two o'clock neighborhood. Scheduling constraints being what they were I found myself the recipient of a ten a.m. lunch hour. Deciding to make the best of it, I had breakfast.
When I finally found my way to the sales floor I came in contact with several rather unique people. It also seemed that each time I answered the phone I was destined to get the same sort of person. At this point I accepted the fact that this was to be a most unusual day. It really became quite funny to see how the day progressed and just what would happen next. Someone asked if I was under a birthday curse.
The remainder of the day included a very low tire, very slow traffic, and dropping a very, very heavy object on my foot.
You may be asking yourself if I consider this to be my worst birthday ever. The answer is no. Last year would have the title. Last year my Dad began a battle with cancer by having surgery on my birthday. This year no matter what else happens to me in the last few hours of my birthday, nothing can be as horrible as last year's. This year my dad is alive to see me have this birthday. For that reason alone, this is my best birthday ever!
Thank you God for letting me keep my daddy with me. I still need him lots.
love,
jene'
08 May 2006
Too many
There is something I have done too much of in my life and I pray never to do again. I have been to too many funerals with tiny caskets. I thought today as I found myself facing this that it is my fervent wish never to do so again.
Realistically, I know this will happen in the future. I work with terminally ill children. Attending more funerals is a foregone conclusion. Today's was made bearable in a small way because of the family's unwavering relationship with Jesus. The parents trusted Him to take their child home to heaven. They made a covenant with God when their babe was tiny, sealing him into the family of God with his baptism. That fact made today a tiny bit easier for them. There is nothing worse than losing a child and I believe the only way to survive is with a sure trust that God is with you.
Believing God keeps His promises,
jene'
Realistically, I know this will happen in the future. I work with terminally ill children. Attending more funerals is a foregone conclusion. Today's was made bearable in a small way because of the family's unwavering relationship with Jesus. The parents trusted Him to take their child home to heaven. They made a covenant with God when their babe was tiny, sealing him into the family of God with his baptism. That fact made today a tiny bit easier for them. There is nothing worse than losing a child and I believe the only way to survive is with a sure trust that God is with you.
Believing God keeps His promises,
jene'
13 April 2006
Discipline of Darkness
As I was sitting in the chapel tonight for Maundy Thursday service a myriad of thoughts wandered through my mind as I was meditating. I felt the memories of the past year come forward for review. I want to share them with you now.
On Wednesday we had the last session of Lent in the Living room. There were many great moments in the sessions and much support from the class members. The thing that made the biggest impact on me was when I was reading through one of the scripture passages. The difficulty of a rich person getting into heaven is in Matthew 19, and verse 26 hit me hard.
23 As he watched him go, Jesus told his disciples, "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for the rich to enter God's kingdom? 24 Let me tell you, it's easier to gallop a camel through a needless eye than for the rich to enter God's kingdom."
25 The disciples were staggered. "Then who has any chance at all?"
26 Jesus looked hard at them and said, "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it."
-The Message
The moment I read that it was if I had never read that passage before. These past few months have been agony and I have relied on asking for God's grace every morning to get through the day. It occurred to me that God had answered my prayers in ways I hadn't even realized.
I've learned to ask for help. And no, it's not important if help comes in ways you think you need it. It's the asking that is the key. Things may not work out how I think they need to but they will work out the way God needs them to work for me. Both my father and Heavenly Father have taught me that the results are not in my control, my obedience is.
I've been learning new ways to express my creativity. I am unable to hold a pencil for long periods to sketch. The lack of stability in my fine motor skills make it awkward to hold a brush. So, I've been learning to paint digitally. At least there when my hands don't work as they should I can just delete a brushstroke. Tonight it dawned on me that every effort I have made in this new art form have dealt with darkness and light.
The second Sunday of Lent I was blessed to hear the testimony of a wonderful man from Africa named Steven Lungu. Listening to his testimony and seeing the joy on his face was a testament to God's marvelous Grace. He shared that God used many disciplines in his life and that one was the discipline of darkness.
I had known God goes with us into the darkness to bring us light. God created both the darkness and the light when He created the world. Now I know God has used the darkness to bring me closer to Him. All the things I was focusing on this past year are not visible in the darkness. Looking for work, trying to figure out how I'm to spend this portion of my life, and every other concern is indistinguishable in the darkness. Even the pain which plunges me there can't be clearly seen. All you can do is look for the light. At times it seems so bright that it is almost blinding. Other times you can't tell where it is coming from. There have been days when I felt I was holding out my hand to see if it could catch any light so I could tell where it originated.
As I was sitting in the pew tonight I had a real awareness of how much of a blessing this time has been. When you have nothing but the Grace of God to cling to you know just how precious it is. So I'm thankful for my time here in the shadows, and grateful for the lessons I have learned. I still think of myself as clay God is molding to His design, but now think I need to be a glow in the dark variety to reflect His light.
Still learning,
jene'
27 March 2006
Doing the hard stuff
I know today will be a good day. I trust God to see me through it.
Last week I missed Lent in the Living Room. I came home and crashed and not even the roomie banging around the kitchen woke me up. I got a call after class from the Denisons. Davy had made me a meatloaf and wanted to drop it by. She is a sweetheart and a real gift from God. Actually both Davy and Jim are fantastic.
A friend of Sharon's had a monitor she gifted me with so now I can get back to some of my work. Having to change a little as I can no longer take the laptop to the clients, but very grateful to be using the computer at all.
We start a new schedule at work this week and my hours are fairly sparse. Even though this seems to be a detriment I have decided it's God's way of giving me more time to look for a full time job.
Now to the hard stuff. Today I asked for help. This was the task I took on for Lent so I asked God for strength and reached out to seek help from others. I don't know why this is so hard for me. I know beyond doubt the only way I make it through the day is by asking for God's help each morning. Why then is it so hard for me to accept or even ask help from others? I realize that even their help is due to God's mercy. I seem to be fine when it's just God and me, but seem to balk when it involves allowing God to use others to help me.
On that note I am headed out. Time for some serious prayer walking. History has shown it is the best way for me to clear my head and settle my heart. Fortunately I have learned to walk in a big circle. I once found myself about five miles from home and decided never to do that again.
Last week I missed Lent in the Living Room. I came home and crashed and not even the roomie banging around the kitchen woke me up. I got a call after class from the Denisons. Davy had made me a meatloaf and wanted to drop it by. She is a sweetheart and a real gift from God. Actually both Davy and Jim are fantastic.
A friend of Sharon's had a monitor she gifted me with so now I can get back to some of my work. Having to change a little as I can no longer take the laptop to the clients, but very grateful to be using the computer at all.
We start a new schedule at work this week and my hours are fairly sparse. Even though this seems to be a detriment I have decided it's God's way of giving me more time to look for a full time job.
Now to the hard stuff. Today I asked for help. This was the task I took on for Lent so I asked God for strength and reached out to seek help from others. I don't know why this is so hard for me. I know beyond doubt the only way I make it through the day is by asking for God's help each morning. Why then is it so hard for me to accept or even ask help from others? I realize that even their help is due to God's mercy. I seem to be fine when it's just God and me, but seem to balk when it involves allowing God to use others to help me.
On that note I am headed out. Time for some serious prayer walking. History has shown it is the best way for me to clear my head and settle my heart. Fortunately I have learned to walk in a big circle. I once found myself about five miles from home and decided never to do that again.
16 March 2006
Out of the Boat
If you plan on reading this entry find a comfy chair and get something to drink you are going to be here for quite a while.
As is readily apparent I haven't updated here in a very long time. I'm remedying that situation today and will explain my long and conspicuous absence from cyberspace. When I fell silent in November, I kept thinking the cause would go away and then I could get back to business as usual.
First you need a little background information. I have arthritis, have had it since I was a teenager. Every few years it likes to flare up and put me through agony for a few weeks before returning to it's regularly annoying spot in my life. This is what happened when I began my retreat from both cyber and real space.
When this side trip through agony began, I kept thinking if I just hung on it would be over soon and I could return to "normal" life, at least as normal as my life ever gets. I knew things were bad when my roommate did all the cooking for Thanksgiving dinner. Her cooking was great, the bad part was I wasn't able to help. I did provide guidance and instruction but that was the extent of my contribution to the dinner. I enjoy all the holiday fixings and really missed not being able to participate.
Work was going fast and furious, the holidays are really busy at our store. The holiday shopping season is pretty much a madhouse when you are working retail and at our store especially so. I was on the go all the time. In my job I am on my feet for my entire workday.
The next road sign I should have paid more attention to was my parents visit for Christmas. I was excited they were coming. We haven't been able to spend many holidays together of late. This was the first time they were coming to my house for Christmas in years. It was great having them with me as we went to services on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I hadn't done that with them since I was a child. Unfortunately I wasn't able to enjoy the time like I should. I was overcome with the desire to crawl into my mum's lap and stay there for the rest of my life. At that point I was hoping it would be a short time.
After Christmas we begin the busiest time of the year at work. It's our annual elfa sale. For those who don't know, elfa is a system used to organize and store anything and everything. We design closets, study space, laundry rooms, kitchens, garages and anywhere else you need space to store things. For this period I worked either as a designer or the elfa sales manager. Again this involves many hours of standing.
I lost track of time. I would go to work, come home and crash. I began going to bed early to be able to lay there long enough for sleep to finally find me. I was shutting my door so my roommate couldn't hear me weeping. When I eventually did find sleep it was fleeting and I would wake up crying in agony. It never registered with me that this had been going on for months instead of weeks. All I knew was I didn't know how much longer I would be able to bear it. It was worse than any of my previous experiences I had nerve problems and was losing some of my fine motor skills. Things got bad enough that I was forbidden to empty the dishwasher after I had dropped and broken several items.
I had gotten to the point where I came to an understanding of why people in chronic pain contemplate suicide. I could never end my life however I was asking God if He could.
It may have taken forever but I finally reached a breaking point the first week in February. I was at work and found myself designing a closet for a customer and inwardly chanting "don't cry, don't cry". I took a break and called a friend who is a great doctor. I had seen him in his home in January and knew I would need more than a kitchen consultation this time. He very graciously agreed to fit me into his busy schedule that afternoon. I got someone to cover for me at work and headed to the medical center.
Besides being a great doctor, John knows me well and knows how hard I struggle with asking for help. He has chided me on it in the past. His nurse came and took my vital signs while I was waiting in the exam room. She gave me a long hard look and I knew things might be worse than I had thought. 170/110 is not what you want to hear when someone is checking your blood pressure. Trying to wait for the madness to go away had caused real problems. Now I am having to deal with them.
I ended up taking 10 days away from work. I had already curtailed all of my other jobs. While this was not good for my already shaky financial life, it was needed for my physical and emotional life. As we were experimenting to find the right medicines needed, I was glad I had taken the time off when I found myself on the floor one afternoon.
I used the enforced stillness to contemplate where I needed to make changes in my life. I already had a couple of my steadfast prayer partners praying I would heed God's leading. I don't think He could have made it any clearer that I needed to be more willing to ask for help. Each year I seek God's help in finding what I should take on for Lent. I have found that to be more beneficial than finding something to give up. I decided I would spend the 40 days in Lent practicing asking for help when I needed it. I enlisted the help of my sisters and Mom by letting them know this was what I was going to do. They and a few close prayer partners have been my support system for many years. I most often put forth needs of a spiritual or emotional nature. I haven't often brought my physical needs to others in prayer. This is changing
Toward that end, God has given me ample opportunities to do so. I have some relief from the arthritis, but migraines are more prevalent than usual. I still need to find some sort of work I enjoy that isn't such a hardship on my health. The latest opportunity involves something more practical. The screen has gone out on my laptop. This is the most important tool in my freelance work. I have been asking around to find a spare monitor until a more permanent solution can be found. I am currently using my roommates monitor on my days off while she is at work.
As is readily apparent I haven't updated here in a very long time. I'm remedying that situation today and will explain my long and conspicuous absence from cyberspace. When I fell silent in November, I kept thinking the cause would go away and then I could get back to business as usual.
First you need a little background information. I have arthritis, have had it since I was a teenager. Every few years it likes to flare up and put me through agony for a few weeks before returning to it's regularly annoying spot in my life. This is what happened when I began my retreat from both cyber and real space.
When this side trip through agony began, I kept thinking if I just hung on it would be over soon and I could return to "normal" life, at least as normal as my life ever gets. I knew things were bad when my roommate did all the cooking for Thanksgiving dinner. Her cooking was great, the bad part was I wasn't able to help. I did provide guidance and instruction but that was the extent of my contribution to the dinner. I enjoy all the holiday fixings and really missed not being able to participate.
Work was going fast and furious, the holidays are really busy at our store. The holiday shopping season is pretty much a madhouse when you are working retail and at our store especially so. I was on the go all the time. In my job I am on my feet for my entire workday.
The next road sign I should have paid more attention to was my parents visit for Christmas. I was excited they were coming. We haven't been able to spend many holidays together of late. This was the first time they were coming to my house for Christmas in years. It was great having them with me as we went to services on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I hadn't done that with them since I was a child. Unfortunately I wasn't able to enjoy the time like I should. I was overcome with the desire to crawl into my mum's lap and stay there for the rest of my life. At that point I was hoping it would be a short time.
After Christmas we begin the busiest time of the year at work. It's our annual elfa sale. For those who don't know, elfa is a system used to organize and store anything and everything. We design closets, study space, laundry rooms, kitchens, garages and anywhere else you need space to store things. For this period I worked either as a designer or the elfa sales manager. Again this involves many hours of standing.
I lost track of time. I would go to work, come home and crash. I began going to bed early to be able to lay there long enough for sleep to finally find me. I was shutting my door so my roommate couldn't hear me weeping. When I eventually did find sleep it was fleeting and I would wake up crying in agony. It never registered with me that this had been going on for months instead of weeks. All I knew was I didn't know how much longer I would be able to bear it. It was worse than any of my previous experiences I had nerve problems and was losing some of my fine motor skills. Things got bad enough that I was forbidden to empty the dishwasher after I had dropped and broken several items.
I had gotten to the point where I came to an understanding of why people in chronic pain contemplate suicide. I could never end my life however I was asking God if He could.
It may have taken forever but I finally reached a breaking point the first week in February. I was at work and found myself designing a closet for a customer and inwardly chanting "don't cry, don't cry". I took a break and called a friend who is a great doctor. I had seen him in his home in January and knew I would need more than a kitchen consultation this time. He very graciously agreed to fit me into his busy schedule that afternoon. I got someone to cover for me at work and headed to the medical center.
Besides being a great doctor, John knows me well and knows how hard I struggle with asking for help. He has chided me on it in the past. His nurse came and took my vital signs while I was waiting in the exam room. She gave me a long hard look and I knew things might be worse than I had thought. 170/110 is not what you want to hear when someone is checking your blood pressure. Trying to wait for the madness to go away had caused real problems. Now I am having to deal with them.
I ended up taking 10 days away from work. I had already curtailed all of my other jobs. While this was not good for my already shaky financial life, it was needed for my physical and emotional life. As we were experimenting to find the right medicines needed, I was glad I had taken the time off when I found myself on the floor one afternoon.
I used the enforced stillness to contemplate where I needed to make changes in my life. I already had a couple of my steadfast prayer partners praying I would heed God's leading. I don't think He could have made it any clearer that I needed to be more willing to ask for help. Each year I seek God's help in finding what I should take on for Lent. I have found that to be more beneficial than finding something to give up. I decided I would spend the 40 days in Lent practicing asking for help when I needed it. I enlisted the help of my sisters and Mom by letting them know this was what I was going to do. They and a few close prayer partners have been my support system for many years. I most often put forth needs of a spiritual or emotional nature. I haven't often brought my physical needs to others in prayer. This is changing
Toward that end, God has given me ample opportunities to do so. I have some relief from the arthritis, but migraines are more prevalent than usual. I still need to find some sort of work I enjoy that isn't such a hardship on my health. The latest opportunity involves something more practical. The screen has gone out on my laptop. This is the most important tool in my freelance work. I have been asking around to find a spare monitor until a more permanent solution can be found. I am currently using my roommates monitor on my days off while she is at work.
God has been showing His phenomenal sense of timing and humor. To drive His point home further the pastor made it from the pulpit on Sunday. The Scripture we were studying was the passage in Matthew 14 where Jesus walks on the water. This passage has meant much to me in the past. There are several miracles in these verses. The Lord walking on water, Peter climbing out of the boat to do the same and the calming of the storm are usually the ones seen.
I feel that I live my life out of the boat in varying states of buoyancy upon the water. I learned about climbing out of the boat from my parents. When my dad retired from the Air Force he and mom told us we would be going to Okinawa Japan to serve on the mission field. This is surprising news at any time. It is even more so when the news comes while you are living in England. Picking up a family with four daughters and moving them around the world is not a task to be taken lightly. Add in the fact you must also raise financial support, don't speak the language and need to find a place to live and the task become gargantuan. It is one thing to study the Scripture and read of others walks of faith and obedience. It is quite another to see it happen before your very own eyes. I probably wouldn't venture anywhere near the water if it hadn't been for the wonderful example of my parents.
Doug brought one other item for consideration as a miracle that I had never thought of. He believes that Peter asking for help when he began to sink, was a miracle. He stated most of us find ourselves reluctant to ask for help. At this point in his sermon I was trying not to burst into laughter. It was no reflection upon him, but rather how God views His need to make His point with me. I must definitely be His most stubborn child because all of Grace Presbyterian church had to hear this sermon for me to get the message. It appears God will go to any lengths to make sure I get what I need. Never doubt that God cares for the individual.
I am also participating in the Lent in the Living Room classes at church. I have done so for several years and always find them to be a blessing. In my group is a couple I have been fortunate to find in previous study classes. Jim and Davy epitomize caring. I have yet to encounter them without them failing to ask how I am doing. Unlike most people who routinely ask and rarely listen, they genuinely care and truly listen. You know their concern is real and it touches you in a lovely way. I knew it would not be possible to spend the Lenten season seeing them on a regular basis and not find many chances to ask for help. Even last night when we were sharing prayer concerns I received a gentle nudge from Davy to ask for prayer for my health. I know if I had not spoken up she would have. There is no way to escape her compassion so it is just better to acquiesce.
Now you know the entire saga to my absence from this spot. I'll let you know how my progress at this latest lesson goes. Thanks to earlier lessons I know the key to change is not within myself but to submit myself to God. Only He can fashion a change in me, all I have to be is willing to let Him do so.
Thanks for your time in reading this. To those of you who have filled my inbox, thanks for your concern and prayers.
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