The past weekend completely exemplified this quote from Dickens. I headed home from work Saturday tired but looking forward to meeting friends. We were going to see Cirque de Soleil. I took a shower and was getting out when my ankle gave way and I headed speedily to the floor. Unfortunately on the way down I either grabbed or got tangled up in the shower curtain. Seconds after finding myself on the floor I realized the curtain rod must have come loose as it was now clonking me on the back of my head. I admit I did find the humor in the situation after I made sure nothing was going to require a visit to the ER. Finding myself the owner of a rapidly increasing headache I decided not to go out and spent the evening at home. I thought it might be a good idea to stay awake for a little while even though I was pretty sure I hadn't concussed myself. As I had been tired to begin with, that was no easy task. Later when I felt it would be safe to fall asleep I couldn't. The guy upstairs decided to have a party.
The next day I was supposed to meet friends to tour the Menil together. The Menil collection has long been a favorite of mine and I get there often. Thanks to the generosity of the Menil family the exhibit is free and it's a great place for an art lover of meager means to visit. When I woke Sunday morning I was sorer than I had been when I went to bed. I seriously considered withdrawing from the outing. After some stretching and praying, I decided not to forgo the gathering. Regardless of my great regard for the Menil, the best part of the day was going to be spending time with people I treasure. It was especially important as one of those coming is a sweet friend who is moving away soon. I would completely regret giving up any time I can spend with her before she leaves. I cannot recall any particular moment which made the day shine, but shine it did! I believe the day sparkled because all of us truly appreciate the others. I feel God has gifted me greatly in giving me these "jewels" as friends.
The perfect way to top off the day came after I returned home. Kim-Ling had brought me home and we had a wonderful time sharing many thoughts and ideas. While she was still here my brother-in-love Victor stopped by for a visit on his way home. Having him here, even for a little while, capped the day superbly. As a little girl I often wished for a brother. I am so grateful my sisters married such sweet guys for me to claim as brother.
So the weekend really did have the best and the worst in store for me and I am pleased to have had such a time.
Dickensianly,
jené
27 July 2009
17 July 2009
Happy Birthday Isaac Watts
On this the birthday of the "Father of English Hymnody" I give you his own words from a hymn I love.
So very grateful that anywhere I can be God is present there,
jené
I sing the mighty power of God, that made the mountains rise,
That spread the flowing seas abroad, and built the lofty skies.
I sing the wisdom that ordained the sun to rule the day;
The moon shines full at God’s command, and all the stars obey.
I sing the goodness of the Lord, who filled the earth with food,
Who formed the creatures through the Word, and then pronounced them good.
Lord, how Thy wonders are displayed, where’er I turn my eye,
If I survey the ground I tread, or gaze upon the sky.
There’s not a plant or flower below, but makes Thy glories known,
And clouds arise, and tempests blow, by order from Thy throne;
While all that borrows life from Thee is ever in Thy care;
And everywhere that we can be, Thou, God art present there.
So very grateful that anywhere I can be God is present there,
jené
13 July 2009
Praying the Hours
I have been praying the hours in a different manner recently. In addition to setting aside time during the day to spend time in prayer, I find myself often praying "Help me get through this hour." I will confess those short prayerful pleas make the majority of my prayers of late. It amazes me how they can lift me up and keep me going when I find myself shattered beyond my endurance. Never has it been so evident to me that God's grace is not just fresh every morning, but fresh whenever I call upon it.
I've learned much with this twist on Liturgy of the Hours. Arthur Paul Boers once said that framing each day with morning and evening prayers will affect the way you live. I believe my fast and frequent connections with the Almighty frame it so well I have no choice but to rejoice. Many times when feeling overwhelmed, and unable to move another inch, I'll find a momentary connection fills me with the hope that I can do more. Once the hope is there it becomes a reality.
There were several times today when I felt completely done in, yet a whispered plea brought the wish to do more. I am working to make this a permanent part of my life. Again another blessing is brought by my current suffering. I doubt I would ever have found the desire to pray so often had the need not been forced upon me. God certainly knows the way to my stubborn and independent heart and I am grateful.
Praying the hours, the half hours, and the minutes,
jené
I've learned much with this twist on Liturgy of the Hours. Arthur Paul Boers once said that framing each day with morning and evening prayers will affect the way you live. I believe my fast and frequent connections with the Almighty frame it so well I have no choice but to rejoice. Many times when feeling overwhelmed, and unable to move another inch, I'll find a momentary connection fills me with the hope that I can do more. Once the hope is there it becomes a reality.
There were several times today when I felt completely done in, yet a whispered plea brought the wish to do more. I am working to make this a permanent part of my life. Again another blessing is brought by my current suffering. I doubt I would ever have found the desire to pray so often had the need not been forced upon me. God certainly knows the way to my stubborn and independent heart and I am grateful.
Praying the hours, the half hours, and the minutes,
jené
05 July 2009
Never a Student Again
Don't let the title throw you. I hope to always be learning new things and look forward to all there is for me to learn in what I hope will be a very long life.
I never want to be a student again as a follower of Christ. Give me a moment to explain. Let's start with a couple of definitions.
Student: 1. A person who studies a particular academic subject 2. A person seriously devoted to some subject, whether academic or not.
Disciple: 1. One who embraces and assists in spreading the teachings of another. 2. An active adherent, as of a movement or philosophy.
I am ashamed to admit for much of my life I was more of a student of Christ than a disciple. I immersed myself in study in the mistaken belief that it was the path to the holiness I sought. I was wrong.
It is in the sharing of my faith I find holiness. I have found the me I want to be in service to others, in sharing my struggles with fellow disciples, in working to end hunger, in fashioning peace, and eradicating slavery. This is what I was after, and this is how I want to spend the rest of my life.
Embracing and spreading,
jené
I never want to be a student again as a follower of Christ. Give me a moment to explain. Let's start with a couple of definitions.
Student: 1. A person who studies a particular academic subject 2. A person seriously devoted to some subject, whether academic or not.
Disciple: 1. One who embraces and assists in spreading the teachings of another. 2. An active adherent, as of a movement or philosophy.
I am ashamed to admit for much of my life I was more of a student of Christ than a disciple. I immersed myself in study in the mistaken belief that it was the path to the holiness I sought. I was wrong.
It is in the sharing of my faith I find holiness. I have found the me I want to be in service to others, in sharing my struggles with fellow disciples, in working to end hunger, in fashioning peace, and eradicating slavery. This is what I was after, and this is how I want to spend the rest of my life.
Embracing and spreading,
jené
30 June 2009
never gone
Thinking of a long ago choir buddy's favorite song tonight and knowing the singing in heaven is all the sweeter.
glad for good memories and hope of reunion,
jené
21 June 2009
My Daddy
The first man who loved me,
The first man I loved.
The man who taught me to pray,
The man I am sure prays for me often.
The man who showed me how a father loves,
The man who showed me how my heavenly Father loves.
The man I want to be proud of me,
The man I am proud to know.
The man who taught me much,
The man who allows me to teach him too.
The man I thank God for everyday,
My Daddy!
Paternally blessed,
jené
The first man I loved.
The man who taught me to pray,
The man I am sure prays for me often.
The man who showed me how a father loves,
The man who showed me how my heavenly Father loves.
The man I want to be proud of me,
The man I am proud to know.
The man who taught me much,
The man who allows me to teach him too.
The man I thank God for everyday,
My Daddy!
Paternally blessed,
jené
16 June 2009
Laughter may be the best medicine, but a chuckle has healing power too!
After a night with limited sleep but seemingly unlimited pain, I left the house this morning for work. When I went to step off the curb to get into my car, my knee gave out and down I went. I landed right on top of my lunch. After making a quick inventory and realizing nothing was broken, I turned to pick up my lunch and had my first chuckle of the day. I had packed a Healthy Choice Entree, other than being fairly flattened it seemed to be o.k. I dusted off and headed in to work.
At the end of the day I was very ready to head home. A dear friend came running in because she thought she was late. After taking a moment to catch her breath she looked over the schedule and realized she was not on it. I was looking at the master schedule to make note of my workdays for the next two weeks. She asked me to check if she was supposed to be in today. We both chuckled when we realized she wasn't late, she was three days early! I told her I knew it was going to be a special day after I had fallen this morning and shared with her the tale of my flattened chicken. I looked over at her and we each had a case of the giggles. This makes great sense when you know that we had both started our day comparing notes on insomnia via facebook at 4 o'clock this morning.
God has blessed me greatly with wonderful friends. If you knew Amy you would know that God must love me very much to have placed her in my life. She is quite possibly the most genuine person I know. Add in a wicked sense of humor, a razor sharp mind and ginormous generous heart and you've got her picture. A moment of hilarity with her was the best way to balance out the day's difficulties. Thanks Amy, you brought a cure that was spot on!
Cherishing the treasure of good friends,
jené
At the end of the day I was very ready to head home. A dear friend came running in because she thought she was late. After taking a moment to catch her breath she looked over the schedule and realized she was not on it. I was looking at the master schedule to make note of my workdays for the next two weeks. She asked me to check if she was supposed to be in today. We both chuckled when we realized she wasn't late, she was three days early! I told her I knew it was going to be a special day after I had fallen this morning and shared with her the tale of my flattened chicken. I looked over at her and we each had a case of the giggles. This makes great sense when you know that we had both started our day comparing notes on insomnia via facebook at 4 o'clock this morning.
God has blessed me greatly with wonderful friends. If you knew Amy you would know that God must love me very much to have placed her in my life. She is quite possibly the most genuine person I know. Add in a wicked sense of humor, a razor sharp mind and ginormous generous heart and you've got her picture. A moment of hilarity with her was the best way to balance out the day's difficulties. Thanks Amy, you brought a cure that was spot on!
Cherishing the treasure of good friends,
jené
14 June 2009
Recalling
Last night as I was sitting on the couch with little girls cuddled all around me I wondered if someday they would recall the evening the way I sometimes drift back to moments of my childhood. After tucking the girls in last night I was reminded of my two favorite memories of my Grandma.
There is nothing outstanding about them, just gentle moments around the house. One memory I hold dear was shelling peas. She would sit with a pan in her lap and I would stand close by. She'd grab a hand full and give me one. I watched intently as if by magic the peas came smoothly out of the pod and fell into the pan. Try as I might I could never get it to go as well. I would snap the pod in pieces, or be unable to pull the string to get it to open. On the few occasions when things did go according to plan the peas would come flying out of the pod. Most missed the pan entirely and landed all around us on the floor. Each time she would just hand me another and let me try again. Never once did I hear a word of rebuke or complaint. I told her I didn't think I would ever be able to do it as well as she could. I remember her smiling at me and saying "Whether you learn how to do this or not, I will always love you." In the years after when I was struggling so with schoolwork, I would often comfort myself by remembering that my Grandma would love me no matter what.
My second treasure I keep of her happened when my grandparents had come to Washington, D.C. to visit us. I cannot remember where we were heading off to but she was helping me to get ready. At the time I had short hair, even so it would often tangle and would require major attention. I remember being frustrated trying to brush my hair. She took the brush from my hand and began to sort out the mess I had made. She worked quietly and quickly. From behind me I heard her say "Just think, God loves you enough to have counted every hair on your head." I was still feeling rather mulish and muttered that nobody else would go to that trouble. For a moment I was sure she hadn't heard me, then ever so softly I felt her part my hair and begin to count "1...2...3...4...5..." I was so overwhelmed! I spun around and hugged her for all I was worth.
As a child, I was certain of my parent's love. To know of her unconditional love was a real gift. Illness took her out of my life long before she made her journey to heaven. I believe had our time together been greater I would have many more memories like these. You see, in all I have ever learned about my grandma, I have heard how much she loved her family and how much she loved her Lord.
I cherish these memories of her and seek to show all the children in my life as much love as she showed me.
Recalling the blessing,
jené
There is nothing outstanding about them, just gentle moments around the house. One memory I hold dear was shelling peas. She would sit with a pan in her lap and I would stand close by. She'd grab a hand full and give me one. I watched intently as if by magic the peas came smoothly out of the pod and fell into the pan. Try as I might I could never get it to go as well. I would snap the pod in pieces, or be unable to pull the string to get it to open. On the few occasions when things did go according to plan the peas would come flying out of the pod. Most missed the pan entirely and landed all around us on the floor. Each time she would just hand me another and let me try again. Never once did I hear a word of rebuke or complaint. I told her I didn't think I would ever be able to do it as well as she could. I remember her smiling at me and saying "Whether you learn how to do this or not, I will always love you." In the years after when I was struggling so with schoolwork, I would often comfort myself by remembering that my Grandma would love me no matter what.
My second treasure I keep of her happened when my grandparents had come to Washington, D.C. to visit us. I cannot remember where we were heading off to but she was helping me to get ready. At the time I had short hair, even so it would often tangle and would require major attention. I remember being frustrated trying to brush my hair. She took the brush from my hand and began to sort out the mess I had made. She worked quietly and quickly. From behind me I heard her say "Just think, God loves you enough to have counted every hair on your head." I was still feeling rather mulish and muttered that nobody else would go to that trouble. For a moment I was sure she hadn't heard me, then ever so softly I felt her part my hair and begin to count "1...2...3...4...5..." I was so overwhelmed! I spun around and hugged her for all I was worth.
As a child, I was certain of my parent's love. To know of her unconditional love was a real gift. Illness took her out of my life long before she made her journey to heaven. I believe had our time together been greater I would have many more memories like these. You see, in all I have ever learned about my grandma, I have heard how much she loved her family and how much she loved her Lord.
I cherish these memories of her and seek to show all the children in my life as much love as she showed me.
Recalling the blessing,
jené
11 June 2009
believing
another day
begun too early
little respite
and yet i find
my soul is comforted
my heart is blessed
my mind is made sure
God loves me beyond measure
His grace my gift
His Spirit sustaining
my weakened life made strong
my imperfection made perfect
His mercy covering me
anytime i fail to see
that every word here
is true.
believing,
jené
begun too early
little respite
and yet i find
my soul is comforted
my heart is blessed
my mind is made sure
God loves me beyond measure
His grace my gift
His Spirit sustaining
my weakened life made strong
my imperfection made perfect
His mercy covering me
anytime i fail to see
that every word here
is true.
believing,
jené
05 June 2009
What do I see when I look in the mirror?
So much of my physical appearance has changed in the last few years. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I am surprised by what I find. Yes, I am lighter than I was, that's good. My hair is currently more than half gray . It's graying so evenly that one of my little friends once asked me who highlights my hair! I told her God was doing a fabulous job with that. The changes RA has brought to my joints is a completely different story. I can see what were once lovely hands becoming gnarled and clumsy. I have always had a great pair of gams, but now they are hardly worth noting because of the disfiguring of my knees and ankles.
Growing up I always knew there were many differences between me and my schoolmates. I had to have special help to learn to write. To this day I cannot write in cursive. Knowing I saw the world the way no one else did could have been disastrous save for my mother's words of encouragement. She told me more than once God had wonderful plans for me which needed all my differences.
I think she had more of an impact than even she might have thought.
I can do nothing about the changes now occurring so why should I worry? Gnarled knees and funky cane shouldn't define how others see me, if it does, I can't let it bother me. I want people to think of me based on what they find in my heart. I want them to know how much I love my Jesus. I want others to see how much my heart yearns for everyone to love Him too. I want the world to feel my desire to take care of God's creation. From the people on the planet, to the planet itself, I want to do everything I can to make it better. These are the things I want to see when I look in the mirror.
All this self reflection was brought on by something I read a couple of weeks ago on a blog I love. A beautiful, kind woman had spent weeks finding just the right thing to wear to a wedding. At the eleventh hour a problem arose. I was engrossed in her story waiting to see how she was going to bring about a happy ending. Imagine the gut wrenching disappointment when I realized she had let this snafu defeat her. How could this lovely women not see her beauty transcends anything else she could have chosen to wear? She stayed home and sent her sweetheart off without her. I just wept. She, who knows so very well she is made in God's wonderful image, allowed the vanity of looking good to keep her from facing the world. I want to take her in my arms and remind her she is gorgeous on the inside. That shines through the worst of outfits!
Remembering it is what the heart sees that matters,
jené
Growing up I always knew there were many differences between me and my schoolmates. I had to have special help to learn to write. To this day I cannot write in cursive. Knowing I saw the world the way no one else did could have been disastrous save for my mother's words of encouragement. She told me more than once God had wonderful plans for me which needed all my differences.
I think she had more of an impact than even she might have thought.
I can do nothing about the changes now occurring so why should I worry? Gnarled knees and funky cane shouldn't define how others see me, if it does, I can't let it bother me. I want people to think of me based on what they find in my heart. I want them to know how much I love my Jesus. I want others to see how much my heart yearns for everyone to love Him too. I want the world to feel my desire to take care of God's creation. From the people on the planet, to the planet itself, I want to do everything I can to make it better. These are the things I want to see when I look in the mirror.
All this self reflection was brought on by something I read a couple of weeks ago on a blog I love. A beautiful, kind woman had spent weeks finding just the right thing to wear to a wedding. At the eleventh hour a problem arose. I was engrossed in her story waiting to see how she was going to bring about a happy ending. Imagine the gut wrenching disappointment when I realized she had let this snafu defeat her. How could this lovely women not see her beauty transcends anything else she could have chosen to wear? She stayed home and sent her sweetheart off without her. I just wept. She, who knows so very well she is made in God's wonderful image, allowed the vanity of looking good to keep her from facing the world. I want to take her in my arms and remind her she is gorgeous on the inside. That shines through the worst of outfits!
Remembering it is what the heart sees that matters,
jené
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