10 October 2008

Stuck in my heart

for KW

I am thinking of you my friend.
I have whispered for you in my heart.
I repeated your name in my prayers,
and laid you upon God's altar.
I asked Him to gather you into His arms,
to cover your life with His blessings,
to reveal His love for you to your heart.
I ache when your life is troubled.
I long to sing when your life fills with joy.
You can never go outside of my love,
come home in peace and know you are welcome!

Always,

jené

07 October 2008

Jesus must be proud too!

Tonight I went down the street to watch a sweet little girl play soccer. What I saw instead was the best display of honor and courage I have seen in quite a long time.

Sara has been playing soccer for a few years now and really enjoys it. Tonight taunts from former teammates and unkind comments from parents on the other team had her leaving the field at halftime in tears. She ran to her dad and he hugged her close as she told him she never wanted to play soccer again. He spoke quietly to her about supporting her team and seeing things through till they are finished. You could tell she really did not want to go back out on the field, but she did. When the game started she gave it her all. She got out there in the thick of things and made some great plays.

She sat out the last quarter and I sat with her. She and I talked about how we can only be responsible for our behavior, not others'. On Friday night I had stayed with the girls and we had worked to find a way to help each other be kind. Borrowing from one of my Dad's sermons we each packed an imaginary bucket. We loaded our buckets with love, kindness, compassion and generosity. (Ever practical Meredith suggested we add bottles of water, clean shoes and donuts.) We set out on an expedition. When the going got rough we tried to keep our buckets upright. When we dropped or tipped over our buckets we looked to see what had spilled from them. Only the things we had placed there in the first place could come out. Remembering that night Sara said she was pretty sure there were some not so nice things in her bucket right then. I told her we could choose now to repack her bucket for the rest of the night. We decided to share funny stories and cheer her teammates on.

When the game ended and it was time to greet the other team she did not want to return to the field. A little urging from her mom and she went on out. As we were walking back to our cars I told Sara I had never been prouder of her than I was at that moment. I told her I was proud she did something she did not want to do just because it was the right thing to do.

So tonight as I remember her turning her tear-filled eyes my way and struggling to smile, I am humbled to have been so close to so much courage.

I love you Sara and am so proud of you, I know Jesus is proud too!

-jené

05 October 2008

4:00 am

This is the time which defines your friendships. You will find all of your friends fall into one of two categories. Those you can call at 4 in the morning, and those you can't. Those in the can't category are friends, but they are not the ones you would reach out to for love and support.

I have a friend who quite often calls me in the wee hours of the morning. It's not that his life is one crisis after another, it's his continuing inability to compute time differences from his locations around the globe. What is so great about Joe is his total surrender to doing God's will. Most of the times he has called me during the night, I have been awake and am comforted by hearing from someone who loves me. God is watching out for both of us. Joe needs someone to share with and I get to talk to a friend in the night without having to worry about waking him up.

The next time you find yourself pondering just how many friends you have, make a list of 4 o'clock friends. The knowledge there are people you can call gives such a feeling of joy.

Glad to have and to be a 4 o'clock friend,

jené

02 October 2008

Kingdom of Heaven

I was asked to write about the Kingdom of Heaven for next years Lenten devotional. It's due tomorrow. I have written, re-written and tossed out much. How do you explain the Kingdom of Heaven? It is hard to describe in concrete terms.

I think the best way is to share how I came to realize it was something for my present and not the distant future. The first time I got a good look at the Kingdom was in an airport in California. My dad had retired from the Air Force and we had moved to Okinawa Japan as missionaries for the Navigators.

We had come home for the summer and were trying to return. We were using the military space available program. With daddy being retired and needing six seats we were on the bottom of the list. I was praying throughout the days and often said the Lord’s Prayer. While I was praying for God’s will to be done on earth I really wasn't doing anything to make it happen. Living 21 days in an airport teaches you much about yourself.

I decided that much like I was an American in Japan, I was also a human in God's Kingdom. Just as I had to apply for a visa to stay in Japan, Christ's sacrifice was my visa for the Kingdom. When we first moved I had experiences outside my comfort zone. I got to share with others about my homeland. I began to learn Japanese. I found many similarities living in the Kingdom. God frequently takes me out of my comfort zone. I get to share with others what it is like in His Kingdom. I learned that the language in His Kingdom is love.

There are also differences. If you think learning Japanese is hard, try talking to everyone all day long in love. The good news is that while I had no extraordinary help for Japanese, I have a great tutor in speaking love. All I have to do is to ask the Holy Spirit to give me the love to share and it is there. There are many rules for an alien living in Japan. In the Kingdom there are only two rules.

1. Love the Lord with all you have
2. Love your neighbor as your self.

As I have grown older and a little bit wiser I realize that unlike being held within the borders of a country, I take the Kingdom of Heaven with me everywhere I go.

Praying that what others see in me makes them want to claim their citizenship here,

jené

01 October 2008

I didn't trip, that was a gravity surge.

A great flair piece. It makes so much sense.

My body is not failing, gravity is not constant.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Not in denial just tongue in cheek,

jené

30 September 2008

Early mornings

The bad thing about being up at this time is it is too late to take anything of a medicinal nature as it might impede waking with the alarm.

The good thing about being up at this time is it is easier to focus on what is important in your life. The last few years I have found the early morning hours to be great for spending time with the Lord. Four thirty in the morning finds very little else to do. So once again I pull out my prayer journal wondering what God is going to teach me this morning.

I can add thanks for restored power for my favorite family here in Houston. Seventeen days without power with three young girls makes for many adventures. They have weathered well and had some good times along the way. I know I certainly enjoyed having them spend the night here.

I was checking in on a few other friends last night when I heard a rather unusual story. A pastor and his wife were both out of town in two different cities for conferences when Ike hit. They did not make it home until Monday after the storm. They had heard from neighbors all about the destruction on their block. Not sure of what they would find at their own home, they prayed that God would use whatever happened to them for His glory. When they pulled up to the house they were relieved to see everything looked pretty much intact. A few trees toppled and the roof looked a little funky, but no major damage. As they walked around the house and opened the gate to check out the back of the house they got a huge surprise. Their entire back yard was covered in oranges and grapefruits. Shay told me it was completely filled and you could see no grass. In checking all around them they could find no one with fruit trees and no way to explain where it had all come from. By that point many in their neighborhood were running low on food supplies so the pastor had everyone over. They gathered in his back yard and thanked God for supplying the bountiful harvest. My friend quipped that this must be some kind of modern day manna. They still haven't figured out how they came to have a yard full of citrus and are content with the answer that God provides. I think this will become one of my favorite storm stories.

As I work my way down my prayer list I feel the love I have for everyone on it. I feel so blessed to have so many people in my life I can pray for. As is always the case, prayer is more about changing me than anything else. I awakened in pain and feeling resentful for it's waking me. Now I am feeling loved and lucky for having so many people in my life I care about.

Thankful for a God who can change my heart and resting in His love,

jené

28 September 2008

Wear your own face

Oh how God loves to weave together disparate moments in my life to bring a single lesson to my soul. Today was no exception. Get comfy and I will share how all of these seemingly unrelated events come together so well.

One day at work this week I was having a particularly rough day. I knew it was going to be so when I fell twice in the shower while getting ready for work. I took some time after the shower to ask God to give me the joy I should feel for the day He had given me. Often I am on my knees asking God to gift me a spirit of rejoicing I just cannot muster on my own. A friend asked me how I was doing. Knowing he cares to hear the truth and not forced "fine" I told him it was a difficult day but that we both would get through it well. He then said " It may be difficult but you are still smiling." I told him that my smile was truly a gift from God as I could not find it in myself that morning. I said the good thing about belonging to God was that He did not expect me to be what I wasn't but was willing to gift me what I needed to be what He wanted.

Later in the week I found myself with another trying day. I have been experiencing random muscle spasms and twitching of late and it was fairly pronounced on Thursday. I was frustrated by how it was affecting my work and concerned about what it might mean to the ongoing changes that make up my altering state of health. I took a few moments to have a sit down in the break room to center my heart. At that point late in the day I was all out of a joyful spirit and asked God to help me to remember His love for me no matter what comes my way.

A dear friend inquired about what was going on. I shared my frustration with her amidst some gentle tears and deep sighs. She and I know that we cannot control what comes our way but we can choose how we are going to respond. She also has had some difficult moments in her life where we have prayed together for us to remember to seek God's bottomless reservoir of grace to gift us what we lack. The great thing is we do not feel the need to pretend to each other that we are anything but what we are. We are flawed women seeking to live for God's glory and encourage each other along the way. Praying together is the best time two friends can share. You cannot help but be your true self at God's altar. Having a friend who knows exactly who you are and is your friend in spite of it is a priceless gift.

We sat together for a long time and she listened so lovingly as I poured out all the opportunities for praise I was still feeling disquieted about. Many years ago we decided to refer to difficulties as opportunities for praise. We hoped that by recognizing a positive change can come negative situation it would help us to remember that God uses our entire lives to draw us closer to Him.

I shared with her the lingering sense of failure I felt after the Hurricane. While I am so grateful to have been able to open my tiny apartment to so many people there is one thing from the past two weeks that still causes me to feel like I have failed. There is someone close to me who has known me for years. After seeing my life from a close perspective she still does not recognize that my helping others after the storm was not an extraordinary thing but something that every believer is called to do. I feel as if I have failed to show her how God expects us to loves others. With so many years invested in this relationship I wonder if I have even made a difference in her life. I know in my head that God calls me to obedience and I should leave the results for Him. My heart is having a difficult time with this lesson. I asked my prayer partner to pray I would let go of this feeling of failure and remember to trust God's plan for everything in my life.

Knowing me as she does she asked if there was anything else I had not yet surrendered to the Lord. I confessed I was also feeling disappointed about having to miss a conference I really wanted to attend this coming weekend. Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church is hosting a Renovaré conference titled "Life with God: Celebrating Lifelong Discipleship". I have read and received much from the presenters who are coming.

When I got the email telling me of the upcoming event I pulled out the calendar to see how I could work it in. I work part-time in retail and have to request time off at least a month in advance. In order to take a weekend day off I have to find someone with my skill level to cover my shift. As a part timer I do get some vacation time but I have already allocated those days off to go home for a few days before Thanksgiving. To attend this conference I would lose two days of pay and have to come up with the registration fee as well. After praying about attending I felt comfortable making the commitment to it.

As is readily apparent much has changed in the six weeks since I made the decision to attend. Ike came to Houston. What was going to be a stretch for my normal budget is now impossible. While several people have stepped forward to help, everything I have is going toward paying the bills and hopefully to restock both the pantry and the medicine cabinet. I told her I felt so shallow to be whining about missing an extracurricular activity when so many are without homes. Things are tight but there is a roof over my head. God has really blessed me and I am grateful for it and the opportunity to share it with my neighbors these past two weeks. I have asked God to use Friday and Saturday as special days for Him. After all, I have the time off I should do something good with it!

Here's where it all comes together to be woven into a needed life lesson.

I have been in Second Corinthians for my quiet time this week. I know you have already read much but I want to share with you a few verses from the Fourth chapter.

Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.

Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!

Verses 1-2, and 5-12 from The Message

As God has so often done He led me to church today to hear His Words. Once again God had Doug reaffirm the lessons He has been teaching me. His sermon today was all about letting go of the masks we might hide behind to be our true selves. Coincidences are to be cherished. A few years ago Mike Fry got me to read When God Winks. It taught me God used what I thought were coincidences were actually times He was winking at me. I remember how loved I used to feel when my Grumpdaddy used to wink at me. He would catch my eye from across the room or dinner table and wink. To this day I associate a wink with unconditional love.

So everything of late has worked together to convince me I am at my best when I come to God at my worst and let Him work in me. After all, if I wear a mask I won't be able to see God winking at me.

Glad to be winked at,

jené

P.S. My Grumpdaddy was my mother's father. My attempts at Granddaddy failed and all of my little sisters were stuck with the name I had given him. When I was a little girl and he used to hold me I thought that it was what it must be like to be hugged by God. That's why his winks always made me feel so loved.

27 September 2008

Where it all begins

The Roots of Violence:

Wealth without work,

Pleasure without conscience,

Knowledge without character,

Commerce without morality,

Science without humanity,

Worship without sacrifice,

Politics without principles.

Mohandas Karamchand Ghandi

23 September 2008

Such a blessing

Today was another day to pull together and help everyone who came in to the store. In the midst of the daily update of who has power and how many more times can you come to work before you run out of clothes, God sent such a blessing. While I knew that both Cindy and Sam had weathered the storm it was a heart warming treat to see them in person. Knowing your friends are o.k. is good, wrapping them in your arms is the best ever!

I knew that Sam had been through a trying time as his job kept him in Galveston to ride out the storm on the island. He is such a kindhearted and gentle man. It was hard to hear that he had been in harm's way. So when I saw him in the store it was with much joy that I hugged him so hard had he been a teddy bear he would have no stuffing left!

Seeing them both made today such a blessing that I don't regret all the time spent stuck in traffic on the way to and from work. Hugging friends makes anything a joy!

Happy for friends who are safe,

jené

19 September 2008

Living Poetry

Christ Has No Body
By St. Teresa of Avila

Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
No hands but yours,
No feet but yours,
Yours are the eyes through which is to look out Christ’s compassion to the world;
Yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good;
Yours are the hands with which He is to bless men now.

This week in Houston there has been ample opportunity for everyone to live this poem. It has been a real treat to catch up with friends after the storm and hear all the great stories of love being shown all over the city. One friend rounded up others to help pull up carpet. Another gathered all the thawing food in the neighborhood and cooked up a meal for an impromptu block party. More than once I have heard of someone checking on an elderly neighbor and then either staying with them or taking them into their home. I am not the only one with neighbors streaming in and out to shower, use the computer or charge phones. I have three friends who have done the same. One of my friends took me out to lunch; knowing I have been feeding others she bought extra food for me to bring home to share. Her husband has been standing in lines to get food, water and ice for his neighbors. Over and over you hear stories of people stepping up to do whatever they can to help someone in need. I think when all is said and done this week will go down in history as one of Houston's finest moments.

So blessed to be part of the blessing,

jené